Rolf Eisenhauer
Life-Improver
Handbook for the Life-Improver App
The
Life-Improver App can be downloaded for free from the App Store of Apple
for iPhone, iPad und Mac with Apple M-Chip.
Link to App Store: Link
3. Edition January 2026
© 2012 - 2026 Rolf Eisenhauer
Contributors / Credits
Hermann Graßl: was involved in the content creation of the app, proofreader, creative source of ideas, well-founded test user of the various development versions.
We would like to thank all reviewers of the pre-release version for their criticisms and suggestions for improvement.
This work was carefully prepared. However, the author assumes no liability for the accuracy of information, notes and advice or any printing errors.
All explanations on psychological and health topics serve exclusively to provide personal support to the reader. The explanations are not intended to treat illnesses or health problems. They cannot and do not want to replace psychological/medical care or treatment.
For reasons of better readability, male and female language forms are not used at the same time. All personal names apply to both genders.
Table of content
Step-by-Step Guide to Using the App
Practical Tips for Sustainable Success
Introduction
What Is the Life-Improver App?
The Life-Improver app is your digital companion
for structured self-coaching and personal development.
Based on the proven Wheel of
Life approach, the app helps you take a holistic view of your life,
gain clarity, and implement sustainable positive change - step by step.
The app guides you through key areas of life, supports you in setting priorities and defining goals, and makes your progress visible, at your own pace and fully self-directed.
What the App Offers You
Clarity at a Glance
Rate 14 core areas of your life on a scale from 1 to 10 and instantly see where your life is balanced and where there is room for improvement.
Structured Goal Setting
Turn vague wishes into concrete, realistic goals with clear action steps and a defined timeframe.
Continuous Companion
Document your insights, track your progress, and receive regular reminders of your intentions, without pressure, but with commitment.
What Is Self-Coaching?
Self-coaching is a structured form of personal development. You consciously take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions and actively shape your own growth. The three core elements are:
Self-Reflection
You examine your life situation, patterns, beliefs, and emotions honestly and systematically.
Personal Responsibility
You define your own goals and develop individual ways to achieve them.
Everyday Implementation
Insights are translated into concrete actions—step by step and sustainably.
The Wheel of Life – Your Inner Compass
The Wheel of Life is a central tool in the app. It divides your life
into 14 essential areas and makes visible where you feel satisfied and where
imbalances exist.
The 14 Life Areas of the App:
1. Money (Finances, Wealth)
2. Profession (Job, Career)
3. Time (Time Management)
4. Home (Living Situation, Type of Housing, Sense of Home)
5. Body (Fitness, Health)
6. Love (Partnership, Sexuality)
7. Relationships (Family, Friends)
8. Helpfulness (Altruism, Selflessness)
9. Mission (Vision, Life-motto)
10. Worldview (Values, Beliefs)
11. Spirituality (Questions of Meaning, Faith)
12. Self-Image (External-image)
13. Self-Confidence (Self-consciousness)
14. Emotions (Feelings, Moods)
Each life area represents a "spoke" of the
wheel:
If one spoke is significantly shorter than the others, the wheel starts to
wobble and often so does your overall well-being.
The goal is not a perfect wheel, but a consciously designed and harmonious overall picture.
Your Personal Development Journey
The Life-Improver app is more than a digital tool. It is an invitation to:
• be honest with yourself,
• take responsibility for your personal development,
• shape change consciously instead of forcing it,
• treat yourself with patience, respect, and kindness.
Every journey begins with a first step.
That step does not have to be big - but it can start today.
Ready to Get Started?
Begin with a quick check the "Self-Assessment", gain an overview of your life, and discover the areas where real potential for change lies.
Step-by-Step Guide to Using the App
Phase 1: Initial Assessment
(approx. 30–45 minutes)
Step 1: Quick Check
Rate all 14 life areas spontaneously and intuitively on a scale from 1 to 10. Trust your first impression - it is often more honest than overthinking.
Guidelines:
• 1–3 points: Significant need for action
• 4–6 points: Potential for improvement
• 7–8 points: Solid foundation
• 9–10 points: High level of satisfaction
Step 2: View the Wheel of Life
Look at your personal Wheel of Life in the
cockpit.
Where do you see imbalances? Which areas stand out?
Step 3: Set Priorities
Choose 2–3 life areas to start with. Ask yourself:
• What currently weighs on me the most?
• Where would change have the greatest impact?
• Where am I internally ready to make a change?
Phase 2: Deepening & Analysis
(approx. 15–20 minutes per area)
Step 4: Explore the Life Area
Read the introductory text for the selected area and answer the reflection questions, such as:
• What is working well here?
• What is missing or bothering me?
• What internal or external obstacles exist?
• What resources do I already have?
Step 5: Capture Your Insights
Use the note features of the app to record your thoughts. Writing down reflections makes connections visible and increases commitment.
Phase 3: Goal Setting & Planning
(approx. 10–15 minutes per goal)
Step 6: Formulate Goals (SMART)
Create specific and achievable goals:
• Specific – What exactly?
• Measurable – How will I know I've succeeded?
• Attractive – Why does this matter to me?
• Realistic – Is it achievable?
• Time-bound – By when?
Example:
Not so good example: "I want to live healthier."
SMART version example: "Starting next week, I will go for a 30-minute walk three times per week to noticeably improve my fitness by the end of March."
Step 7: Break Goals into Tasks
Divide your goal into small, concrete steps:
• What can I do immediately?
• What comes next?
• What obstacles might arise—and how will I handle them?
Step 8: Activate Reminders
Use the reminder function of the app to receive
regular prompts about your goals and tasks.
Recommendation: weekly check-ins for each active area.
Phase 4: Action & Reflection
(ongoing)
Step 9: Take Action
Start today. Not perfectly—but realistically. Every small step counts.
Step 10: Reflect on Progress
Regularly note:
• What have I implemented?
• What worked well?
• Where did I encounter difficulties?
• What have I learned about myself?
Step 11: Re-Evaluate
Update your ratings for the active life areas every 4–6 weeks. Visible progress strengthens motivation and self-efficacy.
Step 12: Expand to Additional Areas
Once you have gained stability, gradually work on additional life areas.
Practical Tips for Sustainable Success
For Beginners
Start Realistically - Don't take on too much at once. Better to thoroughly work on one area than superficially address five.
Take Small Steps - Radical changes often fail. Focus on continuous small improvements that you can maintain permanently.
Establish Routines - Schedule fixed times for your reflection, e.g., 20 minutes every Sunday evening for the app.
For Long-Term Use
Be Patient - Real change takes time. Expect 3-6 months for noticeable improvements in a life area.
Plan for Setbacks - Nobody maintains 100% consistency. If you stray from your path, it's not failure - just start fresh.
Celebrate Successes - Acknowledge even small progress. Positive reinforcement significantly increases motivation.
Stay Flexible - Your goals and priorities may change. Adapt them to new life situations.
Seek Support - Self-coaching doesn't mean doing everything alone. Share your goals with trusted people who can support you.
Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Overwhelm: Limit yourself to a maximum of 3 active goals simultaneously.
Perfectionism: A "good enough" is better than a "perfect" that is never achieved.
Lack of Commitment: Written goals have more impact than mental intentions.
Isolation: Tell others about your plans - social accountability increases the likelihood of implementation.
The 11 Tools of the App
The app offers 11 practical coaching tools. The tools are connected to the 14 life areas. The texts on the life areas describe how to use the individual tools. Of course, the tools can also be used independently.
1.
Happiness - With the Happiness
Histogram, you track your subjective sense of happiness over
time.
2. Assets - allows you to get a clear overview of your assets.
3. Job Analysis - helps you systematically analyze what's good for you in your job and what stresses you.
4. Strengths/Weaknesses Analysis - makes you aware of your strengths and identifies areas for development.
5. Relationship Analysis - creates an overview of the people you have relationships with and evaluates those relationships.
6. Values - helps you identify and prioritize your most important values and reflect on what they mean to you.
7. Core Beliefs - helps you to identify limiting internal convictions and consciously transform them into supportive, realistic beliefs.
8. Mission - helps you create and document your personal life mission.
9. Diary - use the diary tool flexibly as a happiness, feelings, success, or reflection diary.
10. Habit Tracker - helps you to develop positive habits and break less beneficial ones.
11. Share / Print - this allows you to print selected data or share it with trusted people.
12.
Technical Information
System Requirements
The Life Improver App is optimized for:
• iPhone: iOS [version 14.0 and later]
• iPad: iPadOS [version 14.0 and later]
• Mac: with Apple Silicon (M1 chip or newer)
User Interface
iPad Version: The central "Cockpit" provides a clear entry point with direct access to all 14 life areas, tools, pending tasks, and your progress history.
iPhone Version: The same features are distributed across multiple clear screens, optimized for compact display.
Privacy
Your personal reflections, goals, and ratings remain privately stored on your device. No data is transmitted to us or to other servers.
Money
Finances, Wealth
"Money doesn't bring happiness – but poverty doesn't either."
Money is more than just a means of payment. It brings prosperity, power, and status. Money is important for living without constant worry. With sufficient financial resources, you can eat healthily, create a pleasant living environment for yourself and your family, pursue hobbies, and do good for others.
Money Does Not Make You Happy
Our capitalist society is based on consumption
and continuous growth. It suggests that happiness can be bought. The life motto
often seems to be: "Work a
lot, earn a lot, buy a lot."
But the more materialistic a person becomes, the greater the risk of
dissatisfaction:
The
Adaptation Trap:
We quickly get used to what we have. When we buy something nice, the feeling of
happiness is often short-lived until adaptation sets in again.
The
Comparison Trap:
Our expectations keep rising because we constantly compare ourselves to others.
Social media intensifies this effect. We constantly see people who seem to have
more, be more successful, or live more beautifully. There will always be such
people - no matter how much you own yourself.
The
Time Trap:
We spend a great deal of our precious lifetime acquiring luxury goods that we
then barely use.
The
Fear Trap:
The fear of losing wealth - through loss, theft, natural disasters, or
financial crises - becomes a source of constant worry. This fear can even
outweigh the happiness once felt from gaining wealth. You become a slave to
your possessions.
The
Debt Trap:
Many people take on excessive debt, for example by buying a house that is too
expensive on credit. This ties them to their possessions and makes them
dependent on banks, reducing freedom - for example, to relocate or change
careers. In the event of unemployment, personal bankruptcy may threaten.
Too Little Money Makes You Unhappy
A lack of money creates worry and fear. Those who constantly have to chase money often lack the time and energy for enjoyable activities. When money is scarce, people frequently cut back on healthy nutrition. Financial stress is also a health risk and can promote psychological and psychosomatic illnesses.
Money Can Also Make You Happy
Money can indeed contribute to happiness - if you don't let it enslave you. When you have enough money, it can provide the security, freedom, and time that happiness requires. Money makes you happier when you spend it consciously and share it with others.
Summary: Find out how much money and wealth you truly need to live both worry-free and fulfilled - and what price you are willing to pay for it in terms of time, energy, loss of freedom, or stress.
Self-Assessment
Assess your financial situation. Identify where change may be needed. Let the following statements inspire you:
• I have enough money to cover my living expenses.
• I have a clear overview of my monthly income and expenses.
• I do not have excessive debt.
• I manage to save something for difficult times.
• I manage to save for retirement.
• I have invested my assets wisely and in a crisis-resistant way.
Overall, how would you assess your financial situation?
• I have enough money to live comfortably and happily.
• I've built a solid financial foundation for myself and my family.
What can I do?
Finding the right balance is not easy. At every age and in every life situation, you must repeatedly decide whether to spend money in the short term or build wealth in the long term. After all, what's the point of being the richest person in the cemetery?
You should regularly review your finances - plan them, monitor them, and optimize them if necessary. Many people sleep more peacefully knowing their money is invested sustainably and responsibly. Managing money wisely requires effort and discipline. Below are some simple tools to help:
Reflection: My Inner Beliefs About Money
Many people carry unconscious beliefs about money that influence their thinking and actions. Ask yourself:
• What statements about money did I hear in my childhood?
(Examples: "Money corrupts
character," "You don't talk about money," "We can't afford that," "Rich people
are dishonest.")
• What is my attitude toward money today?
• Does this attitude serve me - or does it hold me back?
Exercise:
Write down your negative beliefs and reframe them positively. Instead of "I'm
bad with money," you might say, "I am learning step by step to handle money
consciously." Use the tool "Beliefs" to transform negative beliefs into
positive ones.
Take Stock – Gain Clarity
Many people only have a vague sense of their financial situation. An honest financial checkup provides clarity and forms the basis of any financial planning.
Get a complete overview of your income, expenses, assets, and debts, for example:
Income: salary, side income, rental income, interest, government benefits,
alimony
Expenses:
rent/housing, energy, food, car/mobility, insurance, communication (phone,
internet), leisure, hobbies, culture, subscriptions, clothing, health
Assets:
bank accounts, investment portfolios, real estate, vehicles, precious metals,
collections, life insurance
Debts:
loans, mortgages, outstanding bills
There are many apps and templates online to help
with this (see links).
The app offers the "Assets"
tool to give you an initial overview of your wealth. You'll find it under "Tools."
Sometimes it's enough to analyze your bank statements from the past few months. You'll often discover that many small amounts add up significantly. This is where targeted savings can start - unnecessary insurance policies, unused subscriptions, or outdated and overpriced phone contracts.
If your income seems too low, consider: Can I negotiate a raise? Are there opportunities for side income? Am I investing my assets profitably enough?
Keeping a Household Budget – Stay in Control
If you want a current and detailed overview of your finances, you should keep a household budget. Documenting your financial transactions shows you exactly how much you spend each month on housing, clothing, food, and communication - and how your income is composed.
There are many free and paid apps for smartphones and computers (see links). Alternatively, a simple Excel spreadsheet works just as well.
The
benefit:
After a few months, patterns emerge, allowing you to decide more consciously
where you want to save - and where you don't.
Financial Education – Invest in Knowledge
Financial literacy is one of the most important skills for a self-determined life. Unfortunately, it is rarely taught in schools. Take responsibility for your own financial education.
Learn the basics:
• How do interest and compound interest work?
• What is the difference between stocks, bonds, and ETFs?
• How can I protect myself against inflation?
• What does diversification mean?
• How do I plan for retirement?
Use trustworthy sources: books, reputable finance blogs, podcasts, adult education courses, or independent financial advisors (not product sellers).
Money and Relationships – Talk About It
Money is a taboo topic in many relationships - and at the same time one of the most common sources of conflict. Open communication about finances strengthens partnerships and prevents misunderstandings.
Talk openly about:
• Your attitudes toward money and consumption
• Shared financial goals
• How income and expenses are divided
• Debts one of you may bring into the relationship
• Long-term plans (buying a home, retirement planning)
Tip:
Schedule regular "money talks" with your partner. Have relaxed conversations
about your financial situation - without blame or pressure.
Sustainable and Ethical Investing
Your money is always working - the question is, for what? With conscious investment decisions, you can generate returns while expressing your values.
Consider:
• Which industries and companies do I want to invest in?
• Which issues matter to me (climate protection, fair working conditions, renewable energy)?
• Do I want to exclude certain industries (weapons, tobacco, gambling)?
Sustainable investments (ESG funds, impact investing) combine financial returns with positive impact. You'll sleep better knowing your money supports things you believe in.
The Art of Giving
Generosity is one of the most underestimated paths to greater life satisfaction (see the Wheel of Life topic "Helpfulness"). Studies show that people who regularly give or donate money are happier than those who only accumulate for themselves.
Giving can take many forms:
• Donations to causes you care about
• Supporting people in your environment
• Fair payment for services and products
• Giving time and engagement instead of just money
Important:
Give with joy, not out of obligation. Give what you truly can - without overburdening
yourself.
Final Reflection
Money is power - for better or worse. It can amplify suffering or promote healing, grant freedom or create bondage. The choice is yours.
Ask yourself:
• What role should money play in my life?
• What emotional value does money have for me?
• What would I gladly spend money on?
• What freedom do I want money to give me - and what am I willing to give in return?
Intentions and Actions
What insights have you gained? What would you like to change concretely?
Examples of intentions and tasks:
• I take stock and gain transparency about my financial situation.
• I keep a household budget for several months.
• I rethink my beliefs about money.
• I continue my financial education (read a book, take a course).
• I actively plan for my retirement.
• I talk openly with my partner about money and our shared goals.
• I invest consciously in values that matter to me.
Literature and Links
• Personal Balance Sheet Templates: Link
• List of Credit Counseling Agencies: Link
• Money Manager Expense & Budget: Link
Profession
Job, Career
Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life (Confucius).
Imagine waking up in the morning feeling a sense of anticipation—not just for the weekend, but for the day ahead. Your work gives you energy, meaning, and the feeling that you are exactly where you belong. For many of us, this is the vision. Yet reality often looks quite different.
We spend a large part of our lives working. It is how we earn our living. Work can be deeply fulfilling when we experience our profession as a calling rather than just a job.
You have found the right profession if:
• Your interests, strengths, and inclinations match the requirements of your work (see the Wheel of Life topic "Self-Image").
• Your work aligns with your deepest values and your life vision (see "Values" and "Vision").
• Your life and career plans are compatible with those of your partner and family.
You have found the right workplace if you:
• Enjoy your day-to-day tasks.
• Work in a positive environment with supportive colleagues.
• Receive genuine recognition and respect for your performance.
• Earn an income that reflects the value of your work and provides financial security.
• Have opportunities for growth and can maintain or increase your "market value."
• Can maintain a healthy balance between work, family, and leisure (work–life balance).
• Enjoy flexibility (e.g., remote work, flexible hours) that fits your life design.
Work in Times of Change
In our fast-paced, globalized, and digital world, it is unrealistic to assume that we will have the same "dream job" for an entire lifetime. Technological developments—especially artificial intelligence (AI)—are profoundly transforming the world of work. Routine tasks are being automated, entire professions are changing or disappearing. This can create fear: Will my job still be needed?
At the same time, new opportunities are emerging. AI increases productivity in many areas, creates innovative roles, and amplifies uniquely human strengths such as creativity, empathy, and complex thinking. Lifelong learning, flexibility, and a willingness to reskill are therefore more important than ever—not just to keep up, but to actively shape the future.
Work and Identity
Your profession shapes your identity and your role in society. Some people find their life's purpose in their work and sacrifice relationships, family, and friendships for it—sometimes leading to unhealthy workaholism. Others experience stagnation, quiet quitting, or burnout when their job no longer fits. Unemployment or prolonged stress can even trigger depression.
Over the course of life, our needs and priorities change. What felt fulfilling at 30 may feel draining at 45. At such times, it is important to take an honest look at your situation and, if necessary, courageously explore new paths.
Important: Your mental health and well-being come first. A job that makes you sick is never worth the price. Setting boundaries is not a sign of weakness - it is an act of self-care.
Summary: In a world of constant change - driven by globalization, digitalization, and AI - the goal is to find and shape a profession that energizes you, gives meaning, and provides security. It is never too late to rewrite your professional story.
Self-Assessment
Take a moment and check in with yourself. How do you really feel about your work? The following statements may help you reflect.
Positive Indicators:
• I have found my calling in my profession. It gives my life meaning.
• I am happy in my work, or at least feel aligned with it.
• I am constantly learning and developing.
• I enjoy going to work and look forward to my tasks.
• I feel comfortable and appreciated among my colleagues.
• My work is recognized and respected.
• I earn enough to live well and feel financially secure.
• My profession offers good development and career opportunities.
Warning Signs:
• I work mainly for the money.
• I would much rather do something completely different.
• I feel burned out, stressed, or overwhelmed.
• The company I work for has no promising future.
• I am afraid of unemployment or change.
• I am thinking about becoming self-employed.
How would you summarize your professional situation?
• My work brings me joy and feels meaningful.
• My work allows me to earn a good living.
What can I do?
If your self-assessment reveals dissatisfaction, it is time to take action. The path may range from adjusting your current role to a complete career change or even starting your own business. Career counselors, employment agencies, adult education centers, as well as many online resources and books can support you.
Below you will find simple tools for self-help.
Job Analysis
If you are dissatisfied, write down what you like about your job and what you do not—what energizes you and what drains you. Writing things down alone can already bring clarity and strength. Use the "Job Analysis" tool found under "Tools."
The job analysis covers the following criteria:
• Job content and sense of purpose
• Professional position and level of responsibility
• Salary / income
• Working conditions (hours, flexibility, remote options)
• Career advancement and development opportunities
• Training and continuing education options
• Job security
• Fit between qualifications and role
• Access to modern work tools
• Opportunity to contribute ideas and help shape outcomes
• Work atmosphere and leadership culture
• Space for private life and family
• Family-friendliness and compatibility
Ask yourself: What
would need to change for me to feel comfortable again?
Small adjustments are often possible through conversations with supervisors or
colleagues. In cases of deeper dissatisfaction, a fundamental reorientation may
be worthwhile. Almost every job change brings new opportunities.
Strengths and Weaknesses Analysis
Work and self-image are inseparably linked.
• If you underestimate yourself, you will hold yourself back.
• If you overestimate yourself, you will overwhelm yourself.
• If you know yourself clearly, you will make good decisions.
To better understand yourself, review your self-image. The Wheel of Life topic "Self-Image" includes the "Strengths/Weaknesses Analysis" tool, with the category "professional".
Planning a Job Change
Changing jobs is not something to do on a whim. Too much depends on it—regular family income, place of residence, retirement planning. But if your job is making you sick or no longer aligns with your goals, courage is required.
Steps toward a sound decision:
1. Clarify your values and priorities: What truly matters to you in life (see "Vision"), and what talents and interests do you have (see "Self-Image")?
2. Develop a vivid vision of your ideal job. Create a detailed, visual picture of your professional future:
- What kind of work truly brings me joy?
- What work feels meaningful to me?
- How much do I want or need to earn at a minimum?
- How many hours per week do I want to work?
- Where do I want to work (on-site, remote, abroad)? How much do I want to travel?
- Do I want to take on leadership responsibility?
- What would be my ideal work environment and company culture?
- Do I want to take entrepreneurial risk and become self-employed?
3. Involve your loved ones: Talk with your partner, family, and close friends about your ideas. Their perspectives and support are valuable.
4. Create a pros and cons list: Is the change realistic? What are the risks and opportunities? What are the financial implications?
5. Decide consciously and give yourself time. Do not rush—but do not stay stuck out of fear either. Sometimes patience and gradual change are key.
Note: Sometimes this process reveals what you can change in your current job to feel more satisfied—such as a conversation with your manager, adjusting working hours, or redefining responsibilities.
Tasks and Intensions
What insights have you gained? What do you want to change?
Examples of concrete intentions and actions:
More Work–Life Balance:
• I want to work less and spend more time with my family. Therefore, I will finish work every day at 5:00 p.m. and work overtime only in exceptional cases.
More Appreciation:
I want to earn more and be compensated fairly:
• Prepare for the next performance review and gather arguments for a raise
• Research my market value and explore whether other employers pay more
• If necessary, consider changing employers
Career Change:
I want to change my profession and make a fresh start:
• Develop a realistic career-change strategy
• Explore retraining or further education options and clarify financing
• Honestly assess the impact on my family and standard of living
• Seek guidance from a career counseling service or coach
Job Change:
I want to change my job/employer:
• Create a clear job-search strategy
• Update and optimize my application documents
• Study job postings carefully and activate my network
• Submit applications and maintain my profiles on job platforms (e.g., LinkedIn, XING)
Self-Employment:
I want to become self-employed:
• Define my business idea and create a business plan
• Assess financial feasibility and plan start-up capital
• Clarify legal and tax requirements
• Seek start-up or entrepreneurship counseling
Remember: Every change begins with a small step—but the most important step is always the first one. You deserve a career that fulfills you.
Literature and Links
• Scott Anthony Barlow: Happen to Your Career - An Unconventional Approach to Career Change and Meaningful Work. Link to Amazon: Link
• David J. McNeff: The Work-Life Balance Myth - Rethinking Your Optimal Balance for Success. Link to Amazon: Link
• American Job Center: Link
Time
Time Management
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Imagine this: You wake up full of energy and without oppressive pressure. Time flows harmoniously, and you feel alive. Does that sound like a dream? It can become your reality.
Time shapes our lives. It gives structure to our day. It determines what we do and our rhythm of living. When you learn to use your time wisely for things that truly matter, it fills you with deep satisfaction.
Without stress and time pressure, you can reach a state of calm and truly enjoy time. You can experience the greatest feelings of happiness when you become completely absorbed in an activity. In this so-called flow state, there is complete self-forgetfulness and loss of time awareness.
Lack of Time
In our performance-driven society, many people complain that they have too little time. They are constantly rushed, under stress, and eventually suffer from burnout. Yet there is actually enough time. The problem lies more in how we use our time. Do you know that feeling? That crushing sense of always falling behind? But the truth is: there is enough time. The key question? How we use it.
Here are typical examples that lure us into the time trap:
• Unable to say "no": Out of fear of rejection or disapproval. Often there is low self-confidence behind this (see Wheel of Life topic "Self-Confidence").
• Overestimating your capacity: Because you want to do too many things at once, or want to do everything perfectly, or because you haven't drawn the right conclusions from your past experiences with time shortage. This leads to frustration and exhaustion.
• Wanting to do everything yourself: Because you can't or won't delegate, perhaps because you don't trust your fellow human beings or are afraid of dependencies.
• Not setting priorities: Because you have no compass for your life goals (see Wheel of Life topic "Mission") or because you don't distinguish between importance and urgency in your daily tasks (see below: Eisenhower Principle).
• No active time planning: Because you never learned self-organization or are too lazy to apply it.
• Distractions and procrastination: Because you avoid unpleasant tasks or occupy yourself with unimportant things, e.g., endless streaming, TV, gaming, or social media scrolling. Push notifications on your smartphone constantly tear you out of your concentration. You put off important things, and the day passes emptily.
• Deliberate time scarcity as a status symbol: Because you want to appear important and be appreciated accordingly, you take on all the work. But true greatness shows itself in relaxed composure, not in hectic busyness.
Time Is Money: The Price of Freedom
Anyone who works exchanges lifetime for money. Our growth-oriented economic system requires us to make much of our time available for money so that we can buy and consume more and more goods. This leads to constant acceleration in society and the feeling in individuals of being constantly under time pressure.
Meanwhile, more and more people are refusing this treadmill. For them, money and career are no longer the highest goal of their professional life (see the Wheel of Life topics "Money" and "Profession"). They have realized: Life is more than the sum of their pay stubs.
If you want more time available, you have to give up part of the money and consumption. For example, you can reduce your weekly working hours with a corresponding salary reduction, take an unpaid sabbatical, or retire earlier with financial losses. The question is: What is your lifetime worth to you?
If you can afford it, you can also buy time, for example by hiring household help or using services that take time-consuming tasks off your hands.
Leisure Time: From Stress to Recovery
Even in our leisure time, we suffer from stress today. We schedule our evenings, weekends, and vacations and want to experience as much as possible. Professional burnout is then joined by leisure burnout.
If you notice that your leisure time no longer refreshes you but exhausts you, you should radically cut back. Leisure time should bring joy, but above all offer recovery. Activities particularly suitable for stress reduction include hiking, yoga, sauna sessions, meditation, or simply conscious "doing nothing." Yes, boredom is allowed. It's even important for your creativity and inner balance!
Lifetime: Your Most Precious Resource
Our lifetime is finite and valuable, because lost lifetime is lost forever.
The older we get, the faster time seems to pass. With events like birthdays, illnesses, or deaths, we are increasingly confronted with the finiteness of life. We come under time pressure because we realize that lifetime is decreasing, yet we have the impression that we still want to accomplish or experience many things.
Almost everyone experiences a midlife crisis at some point. You realize that you have achieved your professional, family, and financial goals and that from now on things will go more downhill.
How strongly you experience the crisis depends on your self-esteem (see the topic "Self-Confidence") and on your personal assessment of what you have missed or not achieved so far. Quite a few people make radical changes headlong in the crisis that harm them or later regret, e.g., separation from their partner.
But opportunity lurks in every crisis! Use it to realign your life. Reconsider your life goals (see the topic "Mission") and set new priorities. This way you emerge from the crisis stronger, more mature, and happier.
Summary: Those who lack time either do too much or do the wrong or unimportant things. Those who have too much time should strive to give their life meaning.
Self-Assessment
How well do you manage your time? Identify where action is needed. Let the following statements inspire you and rate how strongly they apply to you:
• I rarely feel a lack of time.
• My time is almost always enough for what I want to do.
• I'm almost always on time.
• I never feel rushed.
• I have sufficient time for my family and friends.
• In the evening I feel drained or depressed.
• I regularly take time to review my long-term goals.
• I carry out my tasks according to their importance.
• I don't put off unpleasant work.
• I spend too much time in front of the TV or with my gaming console.
• I allow myself enough free time and breaks.
• I am also keenly aware of the quality of time, not just the quantity.
• I can enjoy my free time.
• I am afraid of dying before I have experienced everything I want.
How would you sum up your approach to time?
• I'm rarely in a time crunch.
• My professional and private life are balanced in terms of time.
• I'm not worried that I won't be able to achieve some things in life.
What Can I Do?
Many people search for solutions to get them out of their time stress. That's why the market for time management guides with tips and tricks of all kinds is flourishing. Below are some effective tools described that can change your life.
Time Management
Time management is self-management: Use your time efficiently by managing goals and tasks - not the clock.
Starting from your personal professional and private life goals, you define activities that then lead, appropriately prioritized, to daily, weekly, and monthly plans. The goal? Balance in four areas: Career, Relationships (partnership, family, friends), Body (recovery, health), and Meaning (spirituality, art, culture). This creates a happy, fulfilled life.
Many people resist time management - sometimes unconsciously - because you first have to learn time management, which in turn initially costs time. In doing so, you learn to set the right goals and define associated tasks. You learn to estimate what time the realization of tasks will cost. All of this requires a higher degree of planning, discipline, and attention.
Understanding a little about time management is useful for everyone and can easily be implemented in everyday life. You can start with simple prioritized activity lists and end with detailed work plans. Here it is important to maintain a sense of proportion so that time management doesn't become an obsession or itself become a time-waster.
The time management classics are:
• Stephen R. Covey - First Things First
• Lothar J. Seiwert - The New ABCs of Time Management
Many adult education centers or professional coaches offer courses in time management.
Eisenhower Principle
The Eisenhower Principle (named after the President of the United States, Dwight D. Eisenhower) is the art of distinguishing the essential from the non-essential. It is in the nature of most people to like to deal with unimportant things and to postpone the important things. The unimportant things are often more fun or bring short-term success or are simply less strenuous.
According to the Eisenhower Principle, the tasks at hand are divided into the four quadrants Q1 to Q4:
|
|
Urgent |
Non-Urgent |
|
Important |
Q1 |
Q2 |
|
Not- Important |
Q3 |
Q4 |
• Q1 - important and urgent: These tasks should be completed immediately. Q1 tasks usually have a fixed date and can usually be completed quickly, such as solving a problem, making a phone call, or going to the authorities. If these tasks are not carried out in a timely manner, a crisis can quickly develop.
• Q2 - important but not urgent: We should mainly concern ourselves with these tasks. Q2 tasks are mostly preparatory or conceptual tasks. The more time we spend on these tasks, the more prepared we are and the fewer Q1 tasks there will be. Q2 tasks include, for example, preparing a presentation, drafting an application, studying for an exam. But it also includes recreation and relaxation activities, such as going to a theatre, reading a good book or going swimming.
• Q3 - not important, but urgent: We should delegate these tasks as much as possible. There are managers who occupy themselves and their people a lot with Q3 tasks in order to make themselves important, e.g. query reports and statistics, which are then never read and evaluated.
• Q4 - not important and not urgent: We should avoid these tasks as much as possible and only start them when all other tasks have been completed. Q4 tasks include many time thieves, such as hanging out in front of the TV, untargeted web browsing, etc.
The Eisenhower Principle can also be used for work planning in a team or family. You write down each task on a sticky note. Then each task is discussed and the corresponding sticky note is stuck on a board in one of the 4 quadrants. This creates a common view of the tasks and their priority.
The ALPEN Method
With the ALPEN method (by Lothar Seiwert, one of the leading German time management experts), you take 5-20 minutes every day to think about your tasks and appointments. Then create a written daily plan.
The procedure consists of 5 steps:
A (Aufgaben) = Write down tasks - Write down tasks, activities and appointments in a daily plan.
L (Länge) = Estimate length. Estimate the expected time required.
P (Pufferzeit) = Buffer time - Plan a maximum of 60% of your free time; keep the rest as a buffer for unforeseen events.
E ( Entscheiden) = Decisions - Prioritize, delegate, and trim/delete to limit the overall scope.
N (Nachkontrolle) = Follow-up check - At the end of the day, check the completed and unfinished tasks. Transfer the unfinished tasks to the next day.
The Pareto Principle: The 80:20 Rule
The Pareto Principle (named after Vilfredo Pareto) is often also called the 80:20 rule. It states that only 20 percent of the time is needed to do 80 percent of the work. The remaining 20 percent only serves to perfect it.
It often makes more sense to complete all tasks to 80 percent than to do one to 100 percent and not tackle the other tasks at all due to lack of time.
The Pareto Principle can help you focus. Which work is particularly important or urgent? What can I achieve the greatest effect with first? However, the Pareto Principle should not be used as an excuse for poor quality.
Identify where the Pareto Principle applies to you and focus on the effective 80% that you can achieve in 20% of the time.
Timeboxing: Fixed Time Windows for More Focus
Timeboxing means reserving a fixed time window for each task. Instead of saying "I'll work on this project until it's finished," you set yourself a clear limit: "I'll work on this project for two hours." This method creates commitment and prevents tasks from expanding endlessly.
Advantages of Timeboxing:
• You work more focused because you know time is limited
• You avoid perfectionism
• You create clear boundaries between different tasks
• You can better estimate how much you can really accomplish
Deep Work: Concentrated Work in a World of Distractions
Cal Newport coined the term "Deep Work" for concentrated, distraction-free work on demanding tasks. In our world characterized by interruptions, the ability to do Deep Work has become increasingly valuable.
Tips for Deep Work:
• Turn off notifications on all devices
• Block fixed time windows for concentrated work
• Communicate your "Deep Work" times to colleagues and family
• Create a distraction-free work environment
• Start with shorter sessions (30-60 minutes) and increase gradually
Digital Mindfulness: Conscious Use of Technology
In today's world, conscious use of digital devices is crucial for good time management:
• Smartphone boundaries: Set fixed times when you don't use your smartphone (e.g., during meals, before bedtime)
• Push notifications: Deactivate all non-essential notifications
• App time limits: Use your operating system's built-in functions to limit app usage time
• Conscious social media use: Set fixed times for social media instead of constantly scrolling
Micro-habits: Small Steps, Big Impact
Instead of striving for big changes all at once, you can start with tiny micro-habits:
• Instead of "I want to read for an hour every day": "I read one page every day"
• Instead of "I want to meditate regularly": "I take three conscious breaths every morning"
• Instead of "I want to perfect my time management": "I write down three tasks for tomorrow every evening"
These small steps are so easy that you can't put them off - and they lead to sustainable changes.
Tasks and Intensions
What insights have you gained? Do you want to make a difference?
Examples of tasks and intensions:
• Move closer to the workplace - for more leisure time.
• Drastically reduce time with streaming, TV, gaming, or social media - and live instead.
• Read a time management book - for new impulses.
• Define the three most important tasks of the day every morning.
• Deactivate all non-essential push notifications.
• Take a sabbatical year and take the long-dreamed-of trip around the world.
• Daily (e.g., in the evening) a brief reflection on the day: What was good? What to improve? Use the "Diary" and/or "Daily Tracker" tools for this.
Literature and Links
• Stephen R. Covey - First Things First. Link to Amazon: Link
• Lothar J. Seiwert - Slow Down to Speed Up. Link to Amazon: Link
• Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi - Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. Link to Amazon: Link
Time Management in the Internet:
• 9 Proven Time Management Techniques and Tools | USAHS: Link
Home
Living Situation, Type of Housing, Sense of Home
Do you still reside or do you already live? (IKEA).
This well-known question gets to the heart of the matter: living is about far more than just having a roof over your head. It is the place where your life actually happens.
Housing is a fundamental human need - and at the same time a mirror of your personality, your current life stage, and your values. A home provides protection, safety, and a sense of belonging. It is where you unwind, recharge, nurture relationships, and grow as a person.
How and where you live influences your well-being, your quality of life, and often even your future plans - more than you may realize. The good news: you have the power to actively shape this important area of your life.
Changing Housing Models
Our society is changing rapidly - and with it, the way we live. Traditional family households now represent only a portion of today's housing models. New and diverse living arrangements are emerging and increasingly taking on roles once fulfilled almost exclusively by the family.
Today, the variety of housing options offers more choice than ever before:
• Single apartments
• Partner households without children
• Shared apartments (including intergenerational living)
• Multigenerational and community housing projects
• Co-housing and building cooperatives
• Assisted living
• Tiny houses and minimalist living concepts
Every housing model comes with opportunities - and challenges. What matters most is not what is considered "normal" or "trendy," but what truly fits you, your lifestyle, and your current phase of life.
Your Housing Personality Types
Depending on personality, people have very different expectations of their living environment. You may recognize yourself in one of these types:
• The "city person", who loves the energy, cultural diversity, and vibrant life of the city - and values short distances.
• The "country person", who enjoys open space, nature, and the calm of rural life, and seeks a sense of rootedness.
• The "nomad", who values variety, flexibility, and sees frequent changes of location as enriching.
• The "hermit", who consciously chooses seclusion, quiet, and retreat - and draws strength from solitude.
Which type are you? None of these is "better" than another. What matters is that your living situation aligns with your inner needs for closeness, freedom, security, or variety. This self-awareness is the first step toward your ideal place to live.
Housing Needs Change Over the Course of Life
Throughout life, we repeatedly face questions
such as:
What do I need from my home? Where do I want to live? With whom? And what can I
afford?
Often, our place of residence is determined by education, studies, or work.
For many young people, their first apartment represents a major step toward independence and separation from their parents.
Later, when starting a family, sufficient living space in a family-friendly environment becomes essential - ideally without overburdening finances. Cramped living conditions can negatively affect family dynamics and limit children's room to move and develop.
When children move out, living space often becomes too large or too expensive. New options emerge: downsizing, relocating, subletting, or exploring alternative housing models.
Most people wish to live independently in their own home for as long as possible. Reduced mobility, increased need for support, or illness may eventually make assisted living or a nursing facility necessary.
Modern Housing Requirements
The world has changed - and so have our expectations of living:
• Home office has become the norm for many. Do you have a space where you can work without distraction? Is your internet connection reliable enough?
• Sustainability is becoming increasingly important. Energy-efficient buildings protect the environment and your wallet. What is your housing-related carbon footprint?
• Digitalization adds convenience. Smart-home solutions can simplify everyday life - from intelligent heating systems to automated blinds.
Home - More Than a Place
Musician Herbert Grönemeyer put it perfectly:
"Home is not a place. Home is
a feeling."
Many people experience a strong sense of home - a feeling of belonging and safety. Home can provide orientation and serve as a secure anchor in a fast-moving world.
Home may be connected to a place, a region, a cultural expression, or a social bond. Some associate it with their birthplace. Others feel at home wherever friends and family live. A strong sense of home can also lead to painful homesickness when living elsewhere.
If, later in life, you feel you have never truly found a sense of home, you may long more than anything for familiarity. When you can honestly say, "Home is where I feel at home," you have found the right place to live.
Renting or Buying?
Almost everyone faces this fundamental question
at some point: rent or
buy?
This decision is about far more than numbers. It reflects your values, dreams,
and life design.
Start by asking yourself personal questions:
• What does it mean to you to live in a property you own and can design according to your wishes?
• Do you dream of a house with a garden for your family? How much is time in a self-designed home worth to you?
• Will you be able to use the property long-term, or does your career require flexibility and mobility?
• How important are freedom and spontaneity? Would renting give you more time for yourself, your family, your career, hobbies, and friends - without worrying about maintenance?
• Do you see ownership as a form of independence and security - or does it feel more like a commitment that limits you?
There is no right or wrong - only what fits your life.
The Financial Perspective: Renting vs. Buying
The financial side of this decision is complex and strongly influenced by the real estate and interest-rate markets. Recent years have shown just how dynamic these markets can be - from historically low interest rates to significant increases.
Key financial questions include:
• Do you have sufficient equity to purchase a property? A common rule of thumb is at least 20–30% of the purchase price plus transaction costs.
• Can you sustainably afford monthly loan payments and repayment - even if your life situation changes?
• Have you considered the "hidden costs" of ownership, such as maintenance reserves, property taxes, insurance, and repairs?
• What role does real estate play in your retirement planning? Do you see it as a form of protection against inflation?
• How are property prices developing in your region? Buying is not always more economical than renting.
Tip: Seek professional advice and use online calculators (see links at the end) to explore different scenarios. A well-informed decision provides peace of mind.
Summary: It is important to find an apartment / property in a living environment that is tailored to the size of the family and can be used flexibly. That satisfies the housing needs of parents and growing children while not overstretching the budget.
Self-Assessment
Evaluate your current housing situation and identify potential areas for adjustment. Let the following questions inspire you:
What type of resident am I?
• Am I more of a city person, country person, nomad, or hermit?
• Has my housing type changed over the years?
• Does my current living situation reflect who I am today?
Which housing models suit me?
• Do I prefer a single apartment or a family home?
• Would I like to live in a shared apartment?
• Does a multigenerational house appeal to me?
• Would a cooperative housing model work for me?
• How important is community within my neighborhood or municipality?
• Can I afford a second home or vacation property?
• Will I continue to be a professional nomad - or settle down?
Can I afford my housing situation?
• Can I handle the financial burden of rent, utilities, heating, electricity, TV, internet, and insurance?
• Do I have a financial buffer for unexpected expenses?
• Do these costs feel comfortable - or stressful?
Does my environment fit my needs?
• Are good neighborly relationships in place?
• Is the infrastructure family-friendly (childcare, schools, play and recreational spaces, neighborhood networks)?
• Is the area livable, with green spaces or recreational opportunities?
• Are daily necessities within walking distance?
• Is the area affected by environmental factors or crime?
• Is there a vibrant community, clubs, or cultural offerings that matter to me?
How do I want to live as I age?
• Is my home already barrier-free - or could it be made so?
• When children move out, what will that mean for my housing situation?
• Can I imagine downsizing or moving into a senior shared apartment?
• How important will social integration be for me later in life?
How would you sum up your living situation?
• I am satisfied with my living situation.
• I can afford the apartment.
• The apartment offers enough space and comfort for me and my family.
What an I Do?
Gain clarity about your housing situation. You have options! Do you want to change something? Do you dream of owning property - or of greater flexibility?
For real estate advice, banks, independent financial advisors, and real estate agents can help. Use multiple sources and compare offers. In addition, there is a wealth of guides available online and in books (see literature and links below).
Take time for this important decision. Seek professional support - but above all, listen to your intuition. Which place, which type of home makes your heart beat faster? Where can you imagine spending the best years of your life?
Your home is one of the most important spaces you will ever design. It is worth reflecting on it consciously and shaping it actively - rather than simply staying where you happen to be.
Intentions and Actions
What insights have you gained? Do you want to make a difference? Examples:
• I reflect on the meaning of "home."
• I seek advice on buying a property.
• I explore alternative housing models that might suit me.
• I actively nurture my relationships with neighbors.
• I create a financial plan for my housing situation.
• I think about barrier-free living and retirement planning.
Literature and Links
• Eric Tyson: Home Buying Kit For Dummies. Link to Amazon: Link
• Ilyce R. Glink: 100 Questions Every First-Time Home Buyer Should Ask, Fourth Edition - With Answers from Top Brokers from Around the Country. Link to Amazon: Link
• Independent Living for Seniors: Link
• Herbert Grönemeyer singt: "Heimat ist kein Ort, Heimat ist ein Gefühl!". Link to YouTube: Link
Body
Fitness, Health
A strong and healthy body is the best prerequisite for a happy life.
A fit, vital body is the key to a fulfilling and free life. Imagine waking up in the morning full of energy, feeling light and strong - ready for whatever the day brings. Your body carries you reliably through adventures, work, and relationships, without constant worries about pain or exhaustion.
Health means more than the absence of illness. It shows itself in energy, mobility, inner calm, restful sleep, and the feeling of being at home in your own body. Physical and mental health are inseparably connected: when you feel physically well, you also strengthen your mental well-being - and vice versa.
Five Pillars of Health and Joy in Life
Five simple and effective principles for health and well-being are:
1. Movement
Your body is designed to move. Aim for 150–300 minutes of moderate physical activity per week - such as jogging, walking, cycling, dancing, or swimming. Complement this with strength training twice a week to strengthen muscles, bones, and metabolism. Most importantly: choose activities you enjoy - this is what helps you stay consistent over time.
2. Nutrition
Eat natural, balanced foods and enjoy them. Plenty of vegetables, fruit, whole grains, legumes, and fish provide a strong foundation. Reduce processed foods, excessive sugar, and red meat. This is not about deprivation, but about making conscious choices that support your body.
3. Minimize Harmful Substances
Avoid smoking and consume alcohol in moderation (for healthy adults, no more than one small glass of wine or beer per day). Your body will reward you with more energy and better overall health.
4. Mental Balance
Your inner attitude has a major influence on your physical health. Pay attention to stress signals, practice self-care, and treat yourself with kindness. Gratitude, optimism, and social connection have been shown to strengthen the immune system and increase life expectancy.
5. Recovery & Sleep
Allow yourself 7–9 hours of sleep per night in a dark, quiet environment. Plan conscious breaks and recovery phases. Your body grows and heals during periods of rest - not under constant stress.
Why Is Healthy Living Often So Hard?
If living healthily is so simple, why do so many people struggle with it? The answer lies in the tension between short-term comfort and long-term well-being. Our modern world is full of temptations promising immediate gratification - the sweet dessert, the couch instead of running shoes, the "just one more episode" on a screen.
In addition, our brains are not good at weighing long-term consequences against immediate needs. Deep-rooted habits, social pressure, and emotional patterns often play a role as well. We eat due to stress and avoid movement because of exhaustion - although both reinforce the vicious cycle.
The path to change requires patience and compassion toward yourself. Change takes time. Instead of criticizing yourself for "weakness," ask: What do I really need right now? What serves me in the long run? Visualize your future: How do you want to feel in 10 or 20 years? What quality of life do you desire?
Look Early Instead of Reacting Late
The less time and attention you invest in your body today, the more time and money you will likely spend later in life on doctor visits, hospital stays, and rehabilitation. Many people only change after a serious wake-up call, such as a heart attack. Only then does the body receive attention and health becomes a priority.
It is crucial to recognize warning signs early, reduce stress, and prevent burnout. Alongside a health-conscious lifestyle, regular checkups are important so that potential illnesses can be treated early.
Additional Factors for a Long, Healthy Life
• Cultivate strong social relationships - friends and family provide meaning and protection against loneliness.
• Include strength training - it preserves muscles, bones, and metabolism.
• Practice good sleep hygiene - a consistent routine, a dark room, and no screens before bedtime.
Apps and Wearables
Today, smart tools support millions of people: fitness trackers and apps measure steps, heart rate, sleep, and stress levels. With the help of AI, they offer personalized suggestions such as "You need more recovery" or "Today is a good day for a workout." They make progress visible, motivate through challenges, and help build habits.
Opportunities:
• Increased awareness of movement, sleep, heart rate, and stress
• Motivation through visualization and small goals
• Long-term data helps identify patterns
Limitations:
• Numbers cannot replace body awareness or intuition
• Excessive tracking can itself become a source of stress
• Apps are tools - they do not replace professional advice or personal responsibility
The most important metric will always remain your subjective experience: How is your energy? How do you feel overall? How much joy do you experience in life?
Summary: Living a healthy life is actually quite simple and works with a certain basic knowledge about health, nutrition and fitness, paired with a lot of discipline and overcoming your weaker self.
Self-assessment
How happy are you with your body? Identify your need for action. Be inspired by the following aspects:
• I consider my body important.
• I keep fit by exercising regularly.
• I eat consciously and healthily.
• I feel tired or sick. I often lack energy.
• I'm happy with the way I look.
• I respect the limits of my body.
• I provide enough sleep.
• I take preventively care on a regular basis
• I relax regularly (autogenic training, meditation).
• I'm happy with my weight.
In summary, how do you assess the situation in relation to your body:
• I feel fit and powerful.
• I am happy with my body and my appearance.
What can I do?
Sports & Movement
You should engage in at least 30 minutes of moderate physical activity on five days per week (e.g., walking combined with strength exercises), in sessions of at least ten minutes. This helps reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease. To significantly improve fitness or lose weight, additional endurance or strength training is required.
Tips:
• Schedule your workouts firmly into your weekly plan (see the "Time" life-area topic) and follow through - even against other commitments and your inner resistance.
• Join a gym. The annual membership fee often increases motivation to go regularly.
• Find training partners. Group accountability helps you stay consistent, and exercising together is more fun.
• Discover what you enjoy. Not everyone loves jogging - try dancing, climbing, swimming, or martial arts.
• Use the app's "Daily Tracker" and "Journal" tools. The Daily Tracker reminds you of routines and makes it clear whether you are sticking to your plan. A training journal helps you analyze what works well for you - record positive experiences.
Nutrition
Reconsider your eating habits. Become aware of unconscious beliefs that may no longer serve you, such as "You must eat everything on your plate." Use the "Beliefs" tool for this purpose. Eating may also compensate for emotional stress. Let go of old habits and rediscover natural satiety through more mindful eating.
Practical tips:
• Eat whole foods: plenty of vegetables, fruit, whole grains, legumes, and fish; fewer processed foods, sweets, and red meat.
• Eat mindfully: take your time, avoid distractions (no smartphone, no TV), chew thoroughly, and enjoy consciously.
• Listen to satiety signals: eat until you are comfortably full - not stuffed. Leaving food on the plate is okay.
• Calculate your BMI: a body mass index between 18.5 and 25 is considered healthy. Aim for a normal weight.
• Calorie awareness without pressure: a simple rule of thumb for daily calorie needs is body weight (kg) × 30. For sustainable weight loss, reduce daily intake by about 300–500 calories while increasing activity. Avoid crash diets - they usually lead to a yo-yo effect.
Drugs & Addictive Substances
Everyone knows that smoking severely damages health - causing lung cancer, cardiovascular disease, and premature aging. Excessive alcohol consumption also harms the liver, brain, and mental health. For healthy adults, one small glass of wine or beer per day is considered acceptable - but less is better.
If addiction is already present, professional help is essential. Addiction is not a character flaw but a treatable medical condition. Do not hesitate to seek support - from your primary care physician, counseling centers, or self-help groups.
Stress & Relaxation
Observe yourself: Do you put unnecessary pressure on yourself - while driving, standing in line, or at work? Chronic stress severely harms the body (high blood pressure, weakened immune system, burnout).
Practical tips:
• Time management: consciously balance work and recovery (see the "Time" life-area topic).
• Relaxation techniques: autogenic training, progressive muscle relaxation, yoga, meditation, or simple breathing exercises help restore calm and balance.
• Schedule breaks: even short pauses - five minutes of mindful breathing or a short walk - can make a big difference.
• Set boundaries: learn to say no - to excessive obligations, to others, and sometimes to yourself.
Tasks and Intensions
Formulate your goals positively and visualize what your life will look like once you achieve them. How will you feel? What will have changed?
• "I run for 30 minutes three times a week and noticeably improve my fitness and well-being."
• "I lose 11 pounds over the next six months and feel lighter and more energetic."
• "I quit smoking and gain quality of life, easier breathing, and better health."
• "I sleep eight hours per night and wake up feeling refreshed and focused."
• "I practice meditation for ten minutes every day and find greater inner calm."
Literature and Links
• MedlinePlus: Link
• Habits to Form Now for a Longer Life: Link
Love
Partnership, Sexuality
Love cannot be planned - it simply happens!
Infatuation, love, sexuality, and partnership weave a delicate, touching fabric. Together they shape how we think, feel, act, and ultimately how we see ourselves and the world around us. Imagine this: a glance, a smile - and suddenly everything feels more alive. But what is really behind it?
Infatuation – The Magic of the Beginning
Infatuation is a magical state of exception. It feels like an inner blossoming: euphoric, sensual, intense. Our thoughts revolve around the other person, doubts fade into the background, and possibilities seem endless. We don't just see the other person through rose-colored glasses - we see ourselves anew as well.
When we fall in love, our self-image and worldview can change dramatically (see Wheel of Life topics: Self-Image, Worldview). The world appears brighter, more hopeful, full of promise.
From a biological perspective, infatuation is a powerful driver. A complex cocktail of hormones intensifies bonding, closeness, and sexual desire. Reason temporarily steps aside, and we immerse ourselves in this intoxicating state.
After some time - often just a few months - this state naturally changes. The rose-colored glasses become more transparent. We begin to see the other person more clearly and realistically. Then it becomes apparent whether love can grow out of infatuation, or whether it fades like a dream that enriches us but does not last.
Falling in love does not mean we have found love. Infatuation can be a beginning - but it can also remain a projection, a longing we place onto another person.
Love – Depth Instead of Intoxication
Love is a deep, sustaining connection to another human being - and above all, to oneself. It touches us at a soul level, provides support in stormy times, and allows us to grow. According to Robert Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love, love consists of three central dimensions:
• Passion: Emotional and sexual attraction, vitality, desire - the fire that makes us feel alive and invites us to rediscover one another again and again.
• Intimacy: Closeness, trust, openness, emotional safety - the gentle bond that connects us.
• Commitment: Reliability, care, shared history and future - the anchor that carries us through life.
When all three dimensions come together, Sternberg speaks of "consummate love." Yet this is not a fixed state, but a living balance that must be continuously recalibrated.
The Many Faces of Love
Our ideas about love are shaped individually - by culture, upbringing, and personal experience. Psychologist John Alan Lee (1980) identified six different styles of love:
• Romantic Love – Often portrayed in films and novels; characterized by passion and sexual attraction.
• Companionate Love – Partners share interests and habits, communicate well, and feel deeply connected, though passion may be moderate.
• Altruistic Love – One partner consistently puts the other's needs ahead of their own; marked by selflessness and sacrifice.
• Possessive Love – The partner becomes the center of life. Jealousy, emotional highs and lows, dependency, and control dominate; the relationship is often unstable.
• Playful Love – Focused on sexual freedom and affairs rather than long-term commitment; multiple relationships may exist simultaneously.
• Pragmatic Love – Based on rational decisions and perceived usefulness; shared goals and values matter more than passion.
None of these styles is "right" or "wrong." But understanding your own style - and how it aligns or clashes with your partner's - can be incredibly helpful.
Reality Beyond Romance
Many of us carry a romantic ideal of eternal, all-conquering love. Reality, however, is more fluid and nuanced. Relationships evolve, and needs change. Love requires care - through conversation, small gestures of affection, and the willingness to grow together.
When essential needs - such as closeness, appreciation, sexuality, security, or understanding - remain unmet, love can turn into disappointment, distance, or even rejection. Think of moments when a simple "I understand you" changed everything.
Love in the Modern World
Technology and social change influence how we love today. Dating apps make encounters easier and expand possibilities, but can also foster a consumer mindset. Social media may fuel comparison and jealousy, yet also deepen connection across distances. AI coaches raise new questions about intimacy and emotional bonds.
Love takes many forms - from monogamous partnerships to polyamorous relationships, from LGBTQ+ partnerships to long-distance relationships or consciously chosen singlehood. What matters is not the form, but mutual respect, clear consent, and genuine joy in one another.
Self-Love – The Foundation of Everything
Without self-love - accepting and valuing our strengths and weaknesses - it is difficult to build healthy, fulfilling relationships. How can we love and be loved if we see ourselves as unworthy of love?
Early experiences, trauma, or insecure attachment styles shape us deeply. Yet we are not helplessly bound to them. Mindfulness, self-reflection, therapy, or coaching can help us recognize old patterns and develop healthier, more compassionate ways of relating - to ourselves and others.
Self-love is not egoism; it is the foundation of true relational capacity. It allows us to set boundaries, express needs, and remain open and generous at the same time.
Sexuality – Source of Energy or Field of Conflict
Sexuality is a lifelong force that touches us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. For some, it is inseparable from deep love; for others, it can be enjoyed independently. What matters is not the "right" attitude, but a conscious, honest engagement with sexuality - within oneself and with one's partner.
In long-term relationships, sexual tension often changes over time. Habituation, stress, life phases, or unspoken conflicts can dampen desire. How couples deal with this determines whether sexuality becomes a bonding force - or a dividing one.
Sexuality needs communication, curiosity, and permission to change. Without this, routine sets in, and desire may seek other paths, such as affairs.
Partnership
Most people long for a lasting, fulfilling partnership. Yet love alone rarely sustains a relationship in the long run. Stable, happy partnerships also rely on:
• Shared life concepts and planning – Similar expectations about children, work, or career.
• Common interests – Hobbies that strengthen the bond and create shared joy.
• Values and beliefs – A stable foundation of shared convictions.
• Personality traits – Compatibility, e.g., regarding fidelity or orderliness, to reduce conflict.
• Sexual attraction – Compatible needs and preferences that are allowed to evolve.
Finding the Balance
In partnership, consideration for oneself and the other is essential. Find the balance between tolerance, acceptance, and forgiveness on one side - and self-assertion and healthy self-interest on the other.
Relationship crises and phases of dissatisfaction are normal. They are part of every partnership and invite growth, even if they initially feel threatening. External factors such as job loss, illness, children leaving home, or relocation challenge relationships and demand adaptation.
When Separation Is the Better Choice
Maintaining a relationship over time is hard work and requires strong communication and conflict-resolution skills from both partners.
Many couples muddle through and live side by side, feeling they have missed out on real life, real love, and real happiness.
In such cases, separation or divorce is often better for the happiness of both individuals than maintaining an unhappy relationship indefinitely.
Summary: Love is one of the most powerful forces in our lives. It can open us, connect us, and help us grow. But it can also make us vulnerable, entangle us, or leave us exhausted.
Self-Assessment
How satisfied are you with your love life? Explore your need for action by reflecting on the following statements.
Relationship Quality
• We share many interests and activities.
• Our future plans and life goals align well.
• I am confident that my partner and I can overcome serious crises together.
• I trust my partner deeply.
• We have fun together and laugh often.
• We consciously and happily spend time together.
• We give each other space for individual interests and friendships.
• We agree on important financial matters or find good compromises.
Warning Signs
• I can no longer imagine living with my partner long term.
• Our sex life is consistently unsatisfying.
• I am unfaithful or strongly tempted to be.
• We hardly talk anymore, or only about practical matters.
I do not feel seen or valued in the relationship. How would you sum up your situation regarding love/partnership?
• I love my partner.
• I have a vibrant, dynamic relationship.
• I'm happy with my sex life.
What can I do?
There are thousands of relationship guides and expert tips on love and partnership - but no universal formula for lasting love. The following points summarize proven approaches that truly help.
Communication
Many relationships fail because partners communicate too little or ineffectively, and are unable to express their needs and thoughts.
According to John Gottman, the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" represent communication patterns that can destroy relationships and lead to separation:
• Criticism - Blame, accusations, and general condemnation of the partner.
• Defensiveness - Rejecting criticism by justifying oneself or counter-attacking.
• Contempt - Expressed through cynicism and mockery; intentional emotional injury.
• Withdrawal - Demonstrating indifference and emotional disengagement.
• Power Struggles - Enforcing one's will without willingness to compromise.
What helps instead:
• Use I-statements instead of accusations ("I feel…" instead of "You always…").
• Practice active listening - truly try to understand the other person.
• Express appreciation - name the positive, not just criticism.
• Take breaks during escalation and resume later.
• Hold regular relationship talks - not just about logistics, but about feelings, wishes, and dreams.
Many relationship guides offer strategies to improve communication (see literature and links).
Couples Therapy
In cases of severe relationship problems, couples therapy can be helpful.
In a neutral setting, a couples therapist helps partners talk about disappointments, expectations, and fears. Together, they identify problem areas and define shared therapeutic goals. Sometimes, the goal is also to determine whether staying together or separating is the healthier choice.
Tasks and Intensions
What insights have you gained? Define resolutions and tasks, e.g.:
• Regularly making time for relationship conversations.
• Honestly examining whether this relationship still supports my well-being or whether change is needed.
• Seeking couples counseling together.
• Reflecting on attachment styles and practicing self-love.
• Openly discussing sexual wishes and needs.
• Starting a new shared hobby or project.
Literature / Links
• John Gottman: The Love Prescription - Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy (The Seven Days Series). Link to Amazon: Link
• John Gottman: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work - A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert. Link to Amazon: Link
• Love is respect: Link
• Couples Therapy – 2019 TV series. Link to Wikipedia: Link
Relationship
Family, Friends
Family and a network of friends are the sources of personal happiness.
Good relationships are the foundation of personal happiness and life satisfaction. They nourish our souls, give our lives meaning, and accompany us through both highs and lows.
As social beings who have survived in groups since ancient times, we long for genuine connection. Family and friends are often the deepest sources of our happiness. They provide meaning, stability, and joy. At the same time, relationships can also be challenging and confront us with opportunities for growth.
In this overview, we explore why relationships are so essential and how you can consciously shape and nurture your connections. Reflect on them, care for them, and grow through them.
Interpersonal Relationships: A Basic Human Need and Daily Companion
Relationships are among our most fundamental human needs. They shape our thoughts, emotions, and actions. Like a garden, they must be tended: with attention they flourish, with neglect they wither. They can fill us with joy, but they can also be demanding or burdensome.
Sometimes relationships fail due to a lack of trust, misunderstandings, or unresolved conflicts. Yet this is also where opportunity lies: every relationship is a mirror that shows us who we are and who we can become. Every encounter holds the potential to learn, grow, and develop further.
The most important relationships include family, friends, romantic partnerships, and professional contacts. In our globalized and digitalized world, they have become more diverse and complex: long-distance relationships, virtual meetings, international friendships, and diverse family models are now commonplace and open up wonderful new possibilities for connection.
Family: Security, Love, and Conflict
For many people, family comes first - it provides a sense of safety and meaning. This is where we experience security, raise children, share rituals and celebrations, and support one another in difficult times such as illness or caregiving.
Every family has its own unique character, shaped by values, rules, traditions, and the extended circle of grandparents, relatives, and social environments (e.g., community, school, work). Family gives us a sense of belonging and continuity - we know where we come from.
The reality of family has changed and become more colorful. In addition to traditional family models, there are blended families, unmarried partnerships, single parents, rainbow families, and chosen families. This diversity can make relationships more fragile at times, but also richer and more individual. Every model has its own strengths and challenges.
Family bonds are usually reliable, yet often conflict-laden. Intrigue, violence, abuse, or dependencies can leave lifelong scars. Do you feel free and loved within your family - or do old wounds still weigh heavily?
Friends: Chosen Family and Emotional Support
Unlike family, we choose our friends - and that makes them especially valuable. On average, people have 1-2 best friends, about 5 close friends, and around 15 more casual acquaintances. A true friend is a confidant, helper, advisor, and loyal companion who respects your privacy and accepts you as you are.
Friendships are often characterized by deep emotional bonds and frequently outlast marriages or family ties. Friends are there for one another - especially in times of crisis. We turn to them for help, advice, and honest, constructive feedback that opens our eyes.
A healthy friendship is based on balanced give and take. Friendships work particularly well when it comes to emotional support. They can become more challenging when time or labor is expected. Many friendships break down when money becomes involved.
In recent years, friendships have gained new importance due to the growing number of singles. Social networks on the internet now make it possible to stay in regular contact with friends and acquaintances, find new friendships, or rediscover old ones.
Romantic Partnerships
Romantic relationships bring passion, intimacy, and deep connection into our lives. At the same time, they require communication, willingness to compromise, and the ability to resolve conflicts constructively. In an era of dating apps and endless choice, relationships can be fleeting - yet deep, long-term partnerships strengthen our self-esteem and provide emotional security.
See also the Wheel of Life topic: "Love."
Professional Relationships
We spend a large part of our lives with colleagues, supervisors, employees, or business partners. These professional relationships significantly influence our daily well-being:
• Positive, appreciative teams motivate us, support our development, and make work a place where we enjoy being.
• Mentors and role models can be decisive in helping us grow and opening new perspectives.
• Professional networks open doors, provide support, and can even develop into genuine friendships.
• Toxic work environments, on the other hand, can lead to chronic stress, exhaustion, and burnout.
Tip: Consciously invest in positive professional relationships. Show appreciation, offer support, and cultivate contact beyond immediate work situations with people who inspire you.
Your Relationship with Yourself: The Foundation of All Relationships
Before we can build fulfilling relationships with others, we need a healthy relationship with ourselves. Self-acceptance, self-compassion, and a kind inner dialogue form the basis of how we connect with others.
People who know themselves well, take their needs seriously, and treat themselves with care can communicate more clearly, set healthy boundaries, and remain authentic in relationships. They are less dependent on external validation and can meet others on equal footing.
Reflection: How do you speak to yourself? Do you treat yourself with the same kindness and patience you would show a good friend?
See also the Wheel of Life topic: "Self-Image."
The Impact of Social Media: Opportunity and Risk
Today, platforms such as Instagram, TikTok, WhatsApp, LinkedIn, Discord, or BeReal strongly shape our relationships. They enable constant contact across continents, reconnecting with old friends, and forming new connections - through communities around hobbies, professions, or support groups. Social media has revolutionized networking: singles find partners via apps like Tinder or Bumble, families share moments worldwide through video calls, and people with niche interests find like-minded individuals.
However, the influence is double-edged. Algorithms create filter bubbles that can limit diversity of perspectives. Comparison pressure from perfectly curated "highlight reels" can intensify feelings of loneliness - even with hundreds or thousands of digital "friends," people may feel isolated (the "paradox of digital loneliness"). Cyberbullying, misinformation, and excessive use can strain relationships.
Tip for digital balance: Use social media consciously and set boundaries. Prioritize in-person meetings whenever possible. Set time limits for usage. Create screen-free moments - during meals, before bedtime, or when meeting friends. Actively nurture offline connections.
The pandemic showed how valuable virtual tools like Zoom can be - but in the long run, nothing replaces personal, physical closeness and genuine face-to-face conversations.
Summary: Good relationships make you happy, bad relationships cause grief and worry. It is important to maintain and nurture the network of family members and friends. Discrepancies should be resolved as soon as possible. Relationships that drain energy should be examined and resolved if possible.
Self-assessment
How happy are you with your relationship network? Identify areas where action may be needed. Let the following statements inspire you:
Family
• My family life is largely peaceful and harmonious.
• I feel free, accepted, and not constrained within my family.
• I enjoy my role in the family (e.g., parent, child, sibling).
• I am estranged from family members and suffer because of it.
• I can truly be myself within my family.
Friendships
• I have several truly good friends.
• I can rely on my friends - and they can rely on me.
• I maintain regular, active contact with my closest friends.
• I find it easy to make new acquaintances.
• I invest time and energy in my friendships.
• I sometimes feel lonely and miss deeper connections.
General
• I stay in regular contact with the people who matter to me.
• I feel seen and appreciated in my relationships.
• I address conflicts promptly and constructively.
• I set healthy boundaries when necessary.
• My relationships give me more energy than they take.
Overall, how would you assess your relationships?
• I live happily and in peace with the members of my family.
• I have some really good friends that I can count on and keep in touch with on a regular basis.
What can I do?
Many people suffer from unresolved conflicts that stem from relationships, which can lead to psychological distress of various kinds. In severe cases, professional psychotherapy may be necessary. For self-help, the following techniques can be useful:
Relationship Analysis
Take a critical look at your relationship network. Create a list of the people you are connected to - family members, friends, colleagues, partners, etc. The app provides the "Relationship Analysis" tool for this purpose.
|
Name |
Ratio |
Importance |
Assessment |
Measures |
|
Max |
Friend |
Very high |
enriching, trusting |
stay in regular contact |
|
Hans, Inge |
Parents |
High |
ambivalent, old conflicts |
seek a clarifying conversation |
|
Lisa |
Colleague |
Medium |
stimulating, sometimes draining |
set clear professional boundaries |
|
Sarah |
Friend |
High |
supportive, but too little contact |
plan more time together |
Consider which of these people have a positive or negative influence on you, for example:
• Does the relationship give you energy or drain it?
• Do you feel respected and appreciated?
• Does the person exert authority or control over you?
• Is the relationship balanced or one-sided?
• Are there situations where you feel uncomfortable around this person?
• Are there unresolved conflicts?
From this analysis, decide on concrete next steps:
• Schedule more time for important, positive relationships.
• Establish regular rituals (e.g., weekly call, monthly meeting).
• Actively express appreciation - tell people how important they are to you.
• Reconnect with a friend you have lost touch with.
• Seek a clarifying conversation where tensions exist.
• Set boundaries with relationships that drain your energy.
• End a toxic relationship (with professional support if needed).
Tips for Communication
Interpersonal communication is highly complex. We communicate verbally and non-verbally (gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice, body language). On the surface, communication is about the topic at hand - but beneath it, expectations and our inner attitudes toward the other person are always present.
Misunderstandings occur frequently. We often assume the other person knows exactly what we mean. But if they have a different worldview or mental context, we may talk past each other without realizing it.
Basic Rules for Constructive Communication
1. Active Listening
• Be a patient and present listener.
• Let the other person finish - do not interrupt.
• Try to truly understand their perspective, needs, and feelings.
• Show respect and genuine appreciation.
• Summarize what you heard in your own words to avoid misunderstandings.
2. Clear and Honest Expression
• Communicate clearly, simply, and understandably.
• Address uncertainties and disagreements openly but respectfully.
• Share your own feelings honestly.
• Use "I" statements instead of accusations ("I feel…" instead of "You always…").
• Stick to concrete situations rather than generalizations ("always," "never").
• Express what you want - not only what bothers you.
3. Avoid Destructive Criticism
• Avoid insults, accusations, and humiliating remarks.
• Refrain from contemptuous or destructive criticism.
• If attacked, do not retaliate - it only escalates the situation.
• Take a break if emotions run too high.
• Stay grounded and maintain your dignity.
4. Aim for Win-Win Solutions
• Do not try to "win" the conversation.
• Look for solutions that satisfy both sides.
• Be willing to compromise without abandoning your core needs.
• Ask: "How can we solve this in a way that works for both of us?"
5. Choose the Right Time and Place
• Do not have important conversations in passing.
• Choose a calm moment when both are emotionally receptive.
• Avoid discussions when one of you is exhausted, angry, or stressed.
6. Show Appreciation
• Start conversations with something positive.
• Acknowledge what is going well.
• Express gratitude for the other person's contributions.
• Show understanding for their perspective, even if you disagree.
• Small gestures of appreciation in daily life strengthen relationships sustainably.
Remember: good communication is a skill that can be learned and continuously improved. Be patient with yourself and others - no one is perfect.
Making New Friends: A Learnable Skill
For many people, making new friends is not easy - but it is a valuable skill you can develop step by step. The key lies in:
• Openness: Be attentive to people around you and open to new encounters.
• Authenticity: Show who you really are - it attracts the right people.
• Courage: Overcome initial shyness and actively approach others.
• Patience: Genuine friendships need time to grow.
• Shared interests: Hobbies, sports, volunteering, classes, or clubs are ideal bridges.
Tip: Start with small steps - a smile, a conversation over coffee, an invitation to a shared activity. Friendship grows through regular, positive encounters.
Tasks and Intensions
What insights have you gained? Do you want to change something? Examples of intentions and actions:
• Contact my closest friends at least once a month (call, meet, personal message)
• Reconnect with a friend I have lost touch with and invite them for coffee
• Search for old friends or make new contacts on social networks (e.g., LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram)
• Seek a clarifying, reconciling conversation with an estranged family member
• Start a new hobby to meet like-minded people (sports club, choir, cooking class, book club)
• Attend a communication workshop or a seminar on nonviolent communication
• Limit my social media use to a maximum of 30 minutes per day
• Organize one screen-free, in-person meeting with friends or family per week
• Set clear boundaries - or seek professional support - in a relationship that is not good for me
Remember: small, consistent steps are more effective than big, unrealistic plans. Choose one or two intentions that truly matter to you and start this week.
Literature / Links
• Harriet Braiker: Who's Pulling Your Strings? - How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life. Link to Amazon: Link
Helpfulness
Altruism, Selflessness
Helping others brings joy and makes us happier and more satisfied.
Helping others brings joy - and it also makes us happier and more fulfilled ourselves.
Helpfulness is one of the most beautiful human qualities. It connects us, gives meaning to our lives, and awakens deep joy. In this overview, we explore what helpfulness really means, where it comes from, and how you can find a healthy balance in your own life. Reflect on your personal willingness to help and dare to take first steps that truly touch your heart.
What Does Helpfulness Mean?
Helpfulness spans a wide spectrum - from occasional support to truly selfless altruism. While egoism puts one's own well-being at the center, altruism is about helping others without expecting anything in return.
The impulse to help selflessly is deeply rooted in human nature. Studies show that people who help others are rewarded with feelings of happiness and deep satisfaction. Our brains release neurotransmitters that make us feel good. Helpfulness is therefore not only morally valuable, but also psychologically beneficial.
However, very few people help in a completely selfless way without any personal benefit. Often, we help to ease a guilty conscience, to be seen as a "good person," or even in the hope of some form of reward - whether social or spiritual. The degree of our helpfulness is strongly influenced by our social, religious, and cultural environment and its beliefs.
Why Do People Help?
The motivations for helping others are diverse and deeply human:
• Out of moral obligation, compassion, or love for others - think of the warm feeling you get when you support someone in need.
• As a life purpose, to give meaning to one's existence and fill inner emptiness.
• Because one's religion calls for it and provides a sense of fulfillment.
• In expectation of receiving help oneself in the future.
• To strengthen self-esteem. Helping others makes us feel valuable and effective.
• In search of community and social connection that enrich life.
The Social Importance of Helpfulness
Without the ongoing willingness to help shown by countless people, our society would not function. Millions of individuals volunteer their time and energy, making possible things that are truly priceless.
There are many ways to get involved - by contributing work, time, energy, or financial resources, for example:
• Helping neighbors and offering personal support in your immediate environment
• Disaster relief after storms, floods, or other emergencies
• Engagement in animal welfare, environmental, and nature protection
• Volunteering in sports clubs, cultural institutions, and social projects
• Supporting children, young people, elderly individuals, or refugees
• Political and civic engagement at the local level
• Financial support through donations
Every form of help counts - whether you contribute time, energy, skills, or money. What matters most is finding a form of helping that truly fits you.
Avoiding the "Helper Syndrome"
It is important to find the right balance so that helpfulness does not become a burden. A "helper syndrome" develops when you completely subordinate your own emotional and physical needs, ignore the wishes of the person you are helping, or force help upon others. Those affected often have low self-esteem (see topic: self-confidence) and strongly identify with their helper role - helping can even become addictive.
Be mindful of warning signs such as exhaustion, frustration, or the feeling of being indispensable.
Summary: We should strive for what makes us most happy: a balanced level of selfless, active help regardless of the hope of praise or help in return.
Self-assessment
Evaluate your own helpfulness. Identify areas where you may want to take action. Let the following statements inspire you:
• Am I truly a helpful person?
• When was the last time I helped someone without expecting anything in return?
• When was the last time I checked whether someone around me was not doing well?
• When was the last time I volunteered?
• Do I donate a portion of my income - and is that amount appropriate?
Recognizing Helper Syndrome
• Do I find it hard to say "no" when someone asks for help?
• Do I derive my self-worth from helping others?
• Do I push my help on others even when it's not requested?
• Do I neglect my own needs and desires because of helping?
• Do I expect gratitude and recognition for my help?
Overall, how would you rate your helpfulness?
• I am a helpful person.
• I provide some time and money available to other people unselfishly.
What can I do?
The possibilities for helping are almost unlimited and sometimes confusing, e.g. at charities, cultural sites, social institutions, schools, kindergartens, churches, environmental protection organizations, etc.
If you would like to volunteer or take on an unpaid role, consider the following questions:
• Which causes are close to my heart? (education, environment, social issues, culture, sports, etc.)
• Which groups of people do I enjoy working with? (children, young people, seniors, people in crisis, etc.)
• How much time and energy can I realistically invest?
• Do I prefer a long-term commitment or project-based involvement?
• Which skills could I contribute?
Most municipalities and charitable institutions offer advice and placement of suitable positions. Alternatively, you can browse the Internet.
If you want to donate money, think about which topic you want to support and look for a reputable aid organization.
Tasks and Intensions
What insights have you gained? Do you want to make a difference?
Examples of intensions and tasks:
• Ask in my circle of acquaintances or in the neighborhood if anyone needs help.
• Visit an elderly person in the neighborhood regularly.
• Provide tutoring to children with learning difficulties.
• Sponsor a child in a developing country.
• Donate a certain portion of my salary to charitable organizations.
• Take on a volunteer position in a non-profit organization.
Literature / Links
• Sunny Fader: 365 Ideas for Recruiting, Retaining, Motivating and Rewarding Your Volunteers A Complete Guide for Non-Profit Organizations. Link to Amazon: Link
• Robert J. Rosenthal (Editor): Volunteer Engagement 2.0: Ideas and Insights Changing the World. Link to Amazon: Link
• VolunteerMatch.org: Link
Mission
Vision, Life-motto
Your Mission is the compass for your life.
A mission is the compass for your life. Successful people have a clear mission - a vivid, emotional picture of their future - constantly in mind. This mission (also called a guiding principle, vision, life motto) expresses what truly matters to you and what you want to achieve in your life. It encompasses your deepest hopes and dreams and points the way toward making them a reality. It answers essential questions such as:
• What matters most to me?
• What gives my life meaning?
• What do I want to be, do, and experience in my life?
• What would I be willing to give everything for?
Why a Mission Is So Important
Without a mission, we react to life. With a mission, we shape it.
Many people function for years, driven by expectations, obligations, and circumstances. They may have wishes, but no clear inner picture. And without such a picture, the emotional energy to keep going when things get difficult is missing.
A mission, by contrast:
• provides orientation in uncertain times,
• helps with difficult decisions,
• connects everyday life with deeper meaning,
• creates lasting, self-sustaining motivation,
• gives you strength in moments of doubt.
What Makes a Strong Mission
Anyone who actively shapes their life creates a living mission - an inspiring image of the future. It should be written down and have the following characteristics:
• Long-term in nature: It looks beyond everyday life and gives your life direction.
• Higher-level perspective: It stands above short-term goals and trends.
• Enduring validity: It retains its value even when circumstances change.
• Holistic: It includes both material and non-material aspects - from relationships and health to professional fulfillment.
• Guiding force: It serves as an inner compass to help turn dreams and desires into reality.
A mission unfolds its power only if you revisit it regularly and take it seriously. Your current goals must align with it; otherwise, they will lose momentum at the first obstacles. It may take time for your mission to truly fit - review it every six months and adjust it if necessary. Keep it short and concise: ideally 10 to 15 sentences.
Summary: Create an attractive mission statement. The mission is not quantifiable and is open in time. This means you can live your mission straight away. This allows you to live in here and now and enjoy life the way you want it.
Self-Assessment
Reflect on your mission. Do you have answers to the following questions?
• What is my life dream?
• What gives my life meaning?
• What would I like to be?
• Where and how do I find strength, love, and a sense of belonging?
• Which inner attitude do I want to develop (e.g., more confident, optimistic, calm)?
• How can I use my personal talents to do so?
• What is my role in society?
• Which roles do I want to fulfill well (e.g., being a good parent)?
• What would I like to do (career, travel, family, starting a business, etc.)? What are my goals and plans?
• What would I like to own (property, financial security, family, company, etc.)?
• What do I want to commit to and contribute?
• What do I want to have achieved in 10 years?
How do you summarize your situation with regard to your mission/life motto:
• I have a vivid idea of what I want my life to look like in the future and I have put this idea down in writing or pictures.
What Can I Do?
Creating a personal mission requires time and inner calm. If you fully engage in the process, it can become an exciting journey of personal growth, often leading to fundamental insights and behavioral changes.
Developing Your Mission – Step by Step
Preparation
and reflection:
Find a quiet place without distractions and consider:
• What are my core values? (e.g., freedom, family, creativity, honesty)
• What are my passions? What truly excites me?
• What are my strengths? What am I particularly good at?
• What makes me proud? Where do I find meaning?
• Which roles (as a partner, parent, friend, member of society) do I want to fulfill?
Write down your thoughts and look for patterns. What runs like a common thread through your answers?
Define
the time horizon:
Decide whether your mission is long-term (e.g., 10–20 years) or open-ended.
Imagine what your life looks like in that future. How does it feel? What are
you doing? Who are you with?
Answer
emotional core questions:
Write honest, deep answers to questions such as:
• What is my true life dream?
• What would I give everything for?
• Where do I find strength, love, and security?
• What would I regret not having tried?
Formulate
a draft:
Condense your ideas into 10–15 concise sentences. Make sure your mission is:
• positively phrased (describe what you want, not what you want to avoid),
• written in the present tense (e.g., "I live freely and self-determined," not "I want to live…"),
• emotionally engaging (it should move and inspire you),
• holistic (career, relationships, health, personal growth, contribution to society),
• not quantifiable (those are goals - focus on the "why" and the "how").
Review
and refine:
Read your draft out loud. Does it feel right? Adjust it until it truly inspires
you.
Visualize and live it:
• Write down your mission. You can use the tool "Mission" of the app.
• Create a mission board with images, quotes, and symbols that represent your mission.
• Place it where you see it every day.
• Read your mission regularly (at least once a week).
• Align your concrete goals and decisions with it.
• Review every six months whether it still feels right.
Techniques for Discovering Your Mission
There are various techniques to help uncover your personal mission. These exercises evoke emotions and help reveal your core values.
Your
80th birthday:
Imagine your 80th birthday, where loved ones, friends, and acquaintances gather
to honor you. What would you like them to say about you? Which character traits
should they remember? Which achievements and contributions should they praise?
What positive influence would they say you had on their lives?
Your
own funeral:
A more unusual - but powerful - technique is to imagine your own funeral. What
would you want to hear said about you in the speeches?
While this exercise may feel uncomfortable, it often leads to remarkably clear
insights into what truly matters.
The 20-Minute Method (by Steve Pavlina):
Write at the top of a blank page: "What is my true life purpose?"
Write down every answer that comes to mind - even if it seems absurd, incomplete, or contradictory.
Keep writing continuously, without judging or censoring yourself.
Continue until an answer hits you emotionally (e.g., brings tears or a deep sense of "Yes, this is it!").
Ignore false, purely rational answers and wait for the intuitive, authentic one.
This method clears mental blocks and often leads
surprisingly quickly to the core.
Tip: If you
encounter resistance, take a short break, breathe deeply, and continue.
Typical Mission Statements
Here are some examples of how mission statements might sound:
• I live freely and self-determined.
• I live consciously and in connection with myself.
• I create relationships based on trust and love.
• I use my abilities to make a meaningful contribution.
• I courageously walk my path - even if it is not perfect.
• I am a good father / a good mother.
• I raise children I can be proud of.
• I realize my dreams.
• I am financially independent.
• I invest in my education so I can have a secure job and support my family emotionally and financially.
Missions of Famous Personalities
Mahatma
Gandhi:
"I will not fear anyone on earth. I will fear only God. I will not bear ill
will toward anyone. I will not submit to injustice. I will conquer untruth by
truth. And in resisting untruth, I will endure all suffering."
Elon
Musk:
"When something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your
favor."
(Supplemented by Tesla's mission: "To accelerate the world's transition to
sustainable energy.")
Bertolt
Brecht:
"Those who fight may lose. Those who do not fight have already lost."
Walt
Disney:
"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them."
Resolutions and Tasks
What insights have you gained? Do you want to create, document or update your mission? Define resolutions and tasks, e.g.:
• I take a day (or a weekend) off to reflect deeply on my mission and how to realize it.
• I write down my mission within the next two weeks and record it in the "Mission" tool.
• I identify which steps toward my mission I have already achieved to boost my motivation.
• I create a mission board and place it somewhere clearly visible.
• I align my current goals with my mission and review whether they are in harmony.
• I schedule a fixed appointment in six months to review and, if necessary, adjust my mission.
Literature / Links
• Stephen R. Covey - First Things First (see Chapter: Mission Statement Workshop). Link to Amazon: Link
• Stephen R. Covey: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. Link to Amazon: Link
• 5 Steps to Write Your Personal Mission Statement: Link
• Steve Pavlina - How to Discover Your Life Purpose in About 20 Minutes: Link
• Use A Personal Vision Statement To Guide Your Life: Link
Worldview
Values, Beliefs
Every person creates his/her own view of the world.
Your worldview describes how you see the world, how you locate yourself within it, and how you perceive other people. It influences what you consider to be true, right, and important, how you make decisions, shape relationships, and deal with challenges.
Your worldview shapes your personality through your attitudes, values, core beliefs, convictions, and behavior.
Often unconsciously, it answers questions such as:
• What is right or wrong for me?
• Whom or what do I trust?
• What do I believe in?
• What gives my life meaning and direction?
Becoming aware of your own worldview is a key step toward greater clarity, self-efficacy, and inner freedom.
How Does a Worldview Develop?
Your worldview begins forming in early childhood. It grows with your experiences, knowledge, life events, successes, and disappointments. Among other things, it is shaped by influences from:
• Science, philosophy, and education
• Culture, society, and media (traditional media, social networks, digital information sources)
• Economy and ecology
• Religions and spirituality (e.g., Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Judaism, as well as secular worldviews)
• Political systems and ideologies (e.g., humanism, democracy, liberalism, capitalism, socialism)
All of these influences shape your inner
coordinate system - often gradually and unnoticed.
The good news: you can consciously shape this process and actively decide which
influences you want to allow to shape you.
Worldview and Interpersonal Relationships
Your worldview plays a central role in how you communicate with others. When two people share similar core beliefs and values, a sense of closeness and understanding often emerges quickly. Statements are more easily accepted, and differences are questioned less.
When worldviews differ greatly, misunderstandings, friction, conflicts, or even rejection may arise. This is why we are often drawn to people who share values, core beliefs, or political views similar to our own.
Orientation – and Possible Rigidity
A clear worldview can provide support. It offers orientation, security, and stability. It helps you avoid getting lost in the overload of information, opinions, and possibilities, and to focus on what truly matters.
At the same time, a worldview that is too rigid can become limiting. When core beliefs are no longer questioned, there is a risk of overlooking new opportunities, devaluing other perspectives, or becoming internally hardened.
People with very fixed, unyielding personal, political, or religious beliefs risk distancing themselves from others - sometimes even developing intolerance or fundamentalist thinking.
An open, reflective worldview, on the other hand, promotes flexibility, the ability to learn, and personal growth. It gives you the freedom to adapt your core beliefs to new insights without abandoning your core values.
Change and Reorientation
Worldviews are not static. They can change over the course of a lifetime - sometimes slowly, sometimes abruptly. Personal crises, profound experiences, social upheavals, or political events can shake one's worldview.
Such phases are challenging, but they also offer a major opportunity for conscious realignment. They allow you to let go of outdated core beliefs and develop a worldview that is more authentic and better suited to you.
Change is not the end of stability - it is the beginning of growth.
Two Central Building Blocks of Your Worldview
Two essential components of a personal worldview are values and core beliefs.
1. Values
Values are the inner principles by which you orient your life. They influence your actions, decisions, and priorities.
Typical values include honesty, trust, freedom, security, compassion, achievement, or responsibility.
Every person has a personal value system, even if they are not consciously aware of it. This system usually solidifies during adolescence. Changes are possible, but they require conscious reflection and often inner work.
A clear value hierarchy makes decisions easier and contributes significantly to satisfaction and inner coherence - especially when you live in alignment with your values.
When your actions align with your values, you experience authenticity and inner peace. When they conflict, dissatisfaction and inner tension arise.
2. Core Beliefs
Core Beliefs are deep inner convictions about how the world works and about who you are - or are allowed to be. Many core beliefs form early in life and become unconsciously ingrained. Others develop through formative experiences or repeated events.
Core Beliefs can be both positive and supportive, as well as negative and limiting.
Examples of positive core beliefs:
• I can learn new things and continue to grow.
• Mistakes are valuable learning opportunities.
• I deserve to express my needs.
Examples of negative core beliefs:
• Never show weakness.
• I always do everything wrong.
• Change is dangerous - I'd rather stick with what I know.
• If I say no, people won't like me.
Uncritically adopting negative core beliefs over many years can become a serious obstacle and emotionally confining.
Core beliefs can be conscious or unconscious. Unconscious core beliefs are often the most limiting, because we are unaware of them and therefore never think to question them.
Core beliefs act as perception filters. Events that confirm our core beliefs reinforce them, while alternative perspectives often do not pass through the filter at all. Breaking this cycle requires conscious effort - but it is well worth it.
Becoming aware of your worldview is not a one-time exercise, but an ongoing process of self-discovery. The clearer you are about your values and core beliefs, the more consciously you can shape your life - authentically, self-directed, and in harmony with yourself.
Summary: Worldview is a very personal topic. Every person has their own set of values and core beliefs, which can certainly change over the course of a lifetime. Your own set of values is influenced by numerous factors in everyday life.
Self-Assessment
Evaluate your worldview. Become aware of your need for change. Let the following statements inspire you:
About your worldview:
• Where does my worldview come from? Can I describe it in my own words?
• Which parts are truly my own, and which have I adopted uncritically?
• Where does my worldview give me orientation? What goal do I pursue with it?
• Would I stand up for my worldview, or are too many elements not authentic to me?
About your values:
• Do I know my most important values?
• Do I live in alignment with my values, or are there discrepancies between what matters to me and how I live?
• Which values truly guide me, and which have I adopted because they were expected of me?
About your core beliefs:
• Am I aware of my core beliefs?
• Do I feel constrained by my core beliefs?
• Are there situations in which I repeatedly react in the same way - could a core belief be behind this?
• Could unconscious core beliefs be causing recurring patterns in my life?
How would you sum up your worldview?
• I can outline my personal worldview.
• I live in accordance with my values.
• I don't allow myself to be restricted by core beliefs.
What Can I Do?
It is worthwhile to reflect on your worldview regularly. New insights about the world or about yourself can sometimes enrich your worldview - and sometimes fundamentally change it.
Sketch Your Personal Worldview
Take time to reflect on your current worldview. Write down your thoughts. Writing makes the unconscious conscious and helps create clarity.
Possible reflection questions:
• What are my core beliefs about the meaning of life?
• What do I think about morality, justice, and responsibility?
• What role do spirituality or religion play in my life?
• How do I view society, politics, and my role within them?
• What significance do art, science, and nature have for me?
• What are my core beliefs about the economy, sustainability, and the future?
Review Your Personal Value System
Although your personal value system is usually quite stable, it should not be rigid. Especially during personal or professional crises or before major changes, you should review your values, reaffirm them, or adapt them to new convictions. This opens up new perspectives and room for action.
The app offers the "Values" tool, which allows you to select and prioritize your most important values from a value pool.
Practical steps:
• Identify your 8–10 most important values in your personal and professional life.
• Rank them in order of importance.
• Reflect on each value:
- Is this value based on my own conviction, or did I adopt it from parents, role models, or religious/school influences?
- Does this value conflict with other values in my hierarchy?
- Does it conflict with how I actually live? Does it contribute to my success or my failure?
- What price do I pay for holding on to this value?
• Write a short comment for each value: In which areas of life do you live it? What benefits does it bring? What price do you pay?
• Adjust your value hierarchy: remove values that no longer serve you or downgrade their importance.
Examples
of values:
Honesty, truthfulness,
friendship, trust, loyalty, devotion, care, helpfulness, compassion, kindness,
courtesy, respect, courage, civic courage, punctuality, keeping promises,
individuality, independence, freedom, innovation, openness, personal responsibility,
flexibility, simplicity, justice, security, order, tradition, clarity,
integrity, discipline, material wealth, striving for power, determination,
self-actualization, achievement, education, success, responsibility, modesty,
stability, spontaneity, tolerance, attentiveness, harmony, consensus, empathy,
sustainability, enjoyment.
Review Your Core Beliefs
There are many techniques and courses designed to uncover unconscious core beliefs and replace negative ones with positive alternatives.
The app offers the "Core Beliefs" tool, which helps you document your core beliefs and transform limiting core beliefs into supportive ones.
Using a simple three-step technique, you can examine and possibly change your core beliefs.
Step 1: Make Your Core Beliefs Visible
Reflect on what you consider unquestionable truths and document the associated core beliefs. Try to uncover unconscious core beliefs as well.
Reflection questions:
• What are my conscious core beliefs?
• Do I feel constrained by a core belief (possibly still unconscious)?
• Are there situations where I must always be right - what core belief could be behind this?
• Do certain events or patterns repeat in my life - could an unconscious core belief be the cause?
• In which situations do I experience uncomfortable emotions - what core beliefs might be behind them?
Examples of limiting core beliefs:
• If I say no, people won't like me.
• Only attractive people are successful.
• Everyone looks out for themselves.
• True happiness cannot be found in this world.
• I must be perfect to be loved.
• Change means danger.
Step 2: Dissolve Limiting Core Beliefs
You can dissolve limiting core beliefs by disproving them with counterexamples and replacing them with new, empowering core beliefs.
Important: Formulate the new core belief positively.
Not: "I am no longer afraid of
people,"
but: "I approach people openly
and confidently."
Step 3: Anchor the New Core Beliefs
For new core beliefs to become effective, they must be anchored. Ask yourself:
• What concrete benefits does this new core belief bring me?
• Does it truly align with what matters to me?
• Is it consistent with my values?
• What positive effects does it have on my actions and my life?
Visualize your future: imagine how your life changes with these new core beliefs. What will be different in 1, 3, 5, 10, or 20 years? Make this positive future as vivid and concrete as possible.
Examples of Resolutions / Tasks
What insights have you gained? Do you want to adjust your worldview? Define resolutions and tasks, for example:
• I take half a day off to question my core beliefs.
• I take half a day to sketch my worldview.
• I work through the "Values" tool and create my personal value hierarchy.
• I identify one limiting core belief and replace it with a supportive one.
• I reflect on my values and core beliefs once per quarter.
Literature / Links
• Worldview at Wikipedia: Link
• How To Change Beliefs. YouTube: Link
• How to Change Beliefs. 4-Step Neuro-Semantic NLP technique. YouTube: Link
• How to Spot and Challenge Your Negative Core Beliefs, according to a Therapist: Link
• Conspiracy Theories and How to Help Family and Friends Who Believe Them: Link
• Noah Harari: Sapiens - A Brief History of Humankind. Link to Amazon: Link
Examples of Worldviews:
• Naturalistic Worldview: The Brights
• Humanist Worldview: Giordano Bruno Stiftung
• Esoteric Worldview: Wikipedia
• Christian Worldview: Wikipedia
• Buddhism Worldview: Wikipedia
• Islam Worldview: Wikipedia
Examples of Core Beliefs Sentences:
|
I am not good enough. |
I am valuable and bring unique skills. |
|
I don't deserve to be successful. |
I deserve success and work hard for it. |
|
I always make mistakes. |
I learn from every mistake and become better as a result. |
|
Nobody cares about my opinion. |
My opinion is valuable and can help others. |
|
I will never make it. |
I can overcome challenges and achieve my goals step by step. |
|
I am not attractive enough. |
I am valuable just as I am and my uniqueness is beautiful. |
|
I am not intelligent enough. |
I can always learn and develop. |
|
I am not lovable. |
I deserve love and am valuable just as I am. |
|
Others are better than me. |
I have my own strengths and talents. |
|
I am bound to fail. |
I have the ability to be successful and every attempt takes me further. |
|
I indulge in gluttony and immoderateness. |
I am modest and practice renunciation. |
|
I am stingy. |
I am generous, helpful and advocate fairness. |
|
I am arrogant. |
I practice humility and pay attention to self-criticism; I live respect and consideration. |
|
I am angry. |
I am peaceful and prefer humanity and contentment. |
|
I am angry. |
I am peaceful and prefer humanity and contentment. |
|
I am lazy. |
I am characterized by creativity, courage for the future and commitment. |
|
I am a sex addict. |
Love and tenderness are important to me: compassion and empathy are a priority. |
|
I am jealous. |
I value gratitude, cosmopolitanism and generosity are my credo. |
Spirituality
Questions of Meaning, Faith
Spirituality can help increase your vitality and life satisfaction.
Ask yourself:
• What do I actually live for?
• What gives my life depth and meaning?
• What supports me when certainties fall away?
Spirituality often begins right here - not as an answer, but as a question.
Spirituality is not a fixed concept. For some people it is closely connected to religion; for others it exists entirely independently of it. Some experience spirituality as a connection to something greater, others as a deep connection to themselves, to nature, or to life itself.
Spirituality can enhance your vitality and life satisfaction by helping you engage with the big questions of life. For many people, spiritual searching, questions of meaning, and religious faith play a central role. Studies show that spiritual people often live more satisfied and healthier lives:
• Spirituality provides inner peace and comfort and helps people cope with fear, especially when confronting death.
• Being part of a community of like-minded believers creates a sense of belonging and security.
• Practices such as prayer or meditation can reduce tension and stress hormones, positively affecting the immune system and overall health.
For many, belief in life after death is a way to cope with the fear of dying. It mystifies death and takes away some of its terror.
However, spirituality is not a cure-all. An intense engagement with religion, faith communities, or esotericism can be overwhelming and may lead to personal crises.
Questions of Meaning – A Deeply Human Topic
As self-reflective beings who are aware of our own mortality, we ask fundamental questions:
• What is the meaning of life?
• Where do I come from, where am I going?
• Is there life after death?
• Is there a higher power?
• How did the universe come into being?
Neither science nor philosophy provides final answers to all of these questions. And yet most of us seek meaning in what we do. Without meaning, life can feel empty, and energy and motivation may fade. A deep crisis of meaning can even lead to depression.
Examples: Some people see the meaning of life in reproduction, others in living a happy life, and still others in being a good person in order to be rewarded in the afterlife.
Religiosity – Support, Orientation, and Reflection
To explain the unexplainable, humans created hypotheses from which more than 3,000 religions emerged - most of which have since disappeared. Today, the most widespread religions are Christianity (approx. 2.3 billion followers), Islam (approx. 2 billion), Hinduism (approx. 1.2 billion), Buddhism (approx. 500 million), and Judaism (approx. 14 million).
Religions offer ready-made answers to questions of meaning. They are based on specific teachings and texts that are binding for all believers - for example, the Bible in Christianity or the Quran in Islam. Religious affiliation is therefore a commitment to a system of thinking, believing, and acting.
Most people are born into a religious tradition and faith community. In childhood, participation in services, instruction, and rituals (e.g., baptism, communion, confession) conditions individuals within that religion.
Some people have profound experiences - such as visions, apparitions of God (e.g., during near-death experiences, epileptic seizures, or drug use), or miracles (such as spontaneous healings) - that shape and strengthen their faith.
Religiosity can help individuals cope with self-doubt, but on another level it can also enslave them:
• Demonic images of God, suppressed sexuality, feelings of guilt, or fear of divine punishment can have devastating effects on a person's life.
• Religious people often believe that their religion is the only true one. Religious thinking can then lead to narrow-mindedness and fundamentalism.
• Some religious or spiritual movements rely heavily on fear, guilt, or apocalyptic imagery (Armageddon, the end of the world). While they may promise security, they often create inner constriction rather than inner growth.
In Western cultures today, religion is usually no longer experienced as a traditional social obligation, as it was for centuries. Over the course of life, many people realize that their religion no longer fits modern times, that beliefs and dogmas regulate personal life, or that religious representatives fail to follow their own rules (e.g., abuse scandals in churches). As a result, more and more people describe themselves as spiritual rather than religious. While churches close, spiritual practices continue to grow.
Spirituality – A Personal Path
Unlike institutionalized religion, spirituality is usually private and individual: a mental or emotional connection to the transcendent, the beyond, or the infinite. Many movements originate in the Far East and were shaped by charismatic teachers such as Osho or Yogi Bhajan.
Studies show that spiritual people are often more emotionally stable, resilient, and positive toward their bodies.
Spirituality can take many different forms:
• A walk in the forest where you feel deeply connected
• A quiet moment in the morning when you are fully present
• Immersion in music, art, or creative work
• Rituals that give your day structure and meaning
• Mindfulness in everyday life - while eating, breathing, or interacting
• Yoga, meditation, breathwork, or mindful movement
• Philosophical conversations or reading inspiring texts
• Gratitude practices or consciously noticing small wonders
Spirituality exists wherever you experience depth, connection, and meaning.
Modern forms: Today there is digital spirituality through apps and online communities, nature-based spirituality that combines indigenous wisdom with environmental protection, and secular spirituality that functions without religious concepts.
Caution: When Spirituality Becomes Harmful
Spirituality can also lead to difficulties:
• The pursuit of spiritual experiences can become addictive and serve as an escape from everyday reality, avoiding personal responsibility.
• Dependence on a sect, guru, or charlatan may develop.
• Some people explain all life events through irrational or mystical interpretations, seeing everything as predetermined through esoteric systems (stars, reincarnation, etc.). There is a risk of social isolation and losing touch with reality.
The esoteric industry is booming, commercializing the search for spirituality and attracting many charlatans. It draws from Western and Eastern religions, parapsychology, anthroposophy, and New Age concepts such as reincarnation, rebirthing, astrology, Zen, tantra, flying yogis, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, angels, souls, gods, nirvana, Tao, qi gong, enlightenment, subtle worlds, transcendence, lightworkers, and much more.
Atheism and Agnosticism – A Clear Position
Many people reject religion and spirituality altogether. Atheists (approx. 7–10% globally) believe in no god; agnostics leave the question of a higher power open.
Atheism and agnosticism are seen as secular alternatives to religion. These individuals usually derive their understanding of the world from the natural sciences and their ethical values from humanist philosophy.
These positions can also be viable:
• Meaning arises from responsibility, compassion, and freedom.
• Ethical orientation comes from humanism and reason.
• Spirituality is not required to live a fulfilled life.
However, an exaggerated belief in science or experts can also lead to surrendering independent thinking and personal responsibility.
Summary: Everyone has to decide for themselves whether they want to answer the important questions of life for themselves or whether they join a religion or spiritual movement and follow their beliefs.
Self-Assessment
Evaluate your spirituality/religiosity. What did/does religiosity mean to you? What is it like today? How has your attitude changed over the course of your life?
Be inspired by the following statements:
• I want to get closer to my own "Higher Self."
• I am experiencing a crisis of meaning or faith due to an event that has shaken my beliefs.
• Topics such as meditation, mindfulness, life after death, or transcendence interest me and feel important.
• I feel comfortable in my faith community / church; it gives me security and support.
• Faith and prayer help me in difficult life situations.
• I can no longer tolerate my life being determined by religious rules and dogmas.
• I feel guilty when violating church doctrines or regulations.
• I remain in the church because I do not want to give up the rituals (baptism, wedding, etc.).
• I am still in the church for family tradition, but no longer feel connected to it.
• I consider religious belief an outdated relic of the past.
• I can be religious without belonging to a church.
• I do not need religion in my life and cannot relate to faith.
• I am a believing / spiritual person and grounded in my faith.
– or –
I am an atheist/agnostic - religious and spiritual experiences play no major
role in my life.
How would you sum up your faith?
• I have found my attitude towards spirituality and faith.
• I have clarified the "questions of meaning" for myself.
What Can I Do?
Seekers have access to a wide spectrum - from philosophy to many different religions. There is no universally valid advice, but here are some suggestions:
• Learn meditation: Meditation is considered a fundamental consciousness-expanding practice in many cultures. It helps calm the mind, let go, and open a new connection to oneself. Forms include guided meditation, mindfulness meditation, Zen, and Vipassana.
• Retreats and time-outs: Spending days or weeks in a Buddhist or Christian monastery can lead to deep insights. Silent retreats or mindfulness retreats are also valuable.
• Pilgrimages: Many people undertake pilgrimages (e.g., the Camino de Santiago) to gain spiritual experiences and inner clarity.
• Nature and silence: Regular walks in the forest, mountain hikes, or time by water can be profoundly spiritual.
• Body practices: Yoga, qi gong, tai chi, or mindful dance connect body and mind.
• Reading and learning: Philosophical texts, spiritual books, or biographies can inspire and open new perspectives.
• Seek community: Whether a religious group, humanist circle, meditation group, or philosophical salon - shared experiences can be enriching.
• Create your own path: Develop personal rituals - morning meditation, a gratitude journal, mindful meals, regular connection with nature.
Intentions and Tasks
What insights have you gained? Do you want to make a difference?
Examples of resolutions and tasks:
• Learn to meditate
• Explore my inner self. Go on a retreat in Buddhist or Christian monasteries for a few days or weeks.
• Take a pilgrimage, e.g. on the Camino de Santiago.
• Join a religious community
• Quit the Church.
Literature / Links:
• Stephan Bodian: Meditation For Dummies. Link to Amazon: Link
• Pilgrimage Destinations: Link
• Religion in the United States. Link to Wikipedia: Link
• Noah Harari: Sapiens - A Brief History of Humankind. Link to Amazon: Link
• Richard Dawkins: The God Delusion. Link to Amazon: Link
• Parascience: Link
Self-image
External-image
Man is the most mysterious thing in nature... (Pascal: Thoughts)
Every person carries an inner image of themselves. This self-image describes how you perceive yourself: your personality, character, abilities, limitations, and sense of worth. Often, this inner image operates beneath the surface - yet it has a profound influence on how you think, feel, decide, and act.
Your self-image functions like an inner compass. It determines what you believe you are capable of, which opportunities you pursue, how you deal with mistakes, and how you shape relationships. A realistic and compassionate self-image is therefore a key foundation for personal growth, satisfaction, and success.
If you have a realistic self-image, you can answer questions such as:
• Who am I - beyond roles and expectations?
• What are my core character traits?
• Where do my strengths and weaknesses lie?
• What truly matters to me?
• How do I come across to other people?
A realistic self-image is especially important when choosing education, studies, or a career; during job applications; in professional development; in finding a partner; and in relationships. It forms the basis for authentic decisions and fulfilling life paths.
How Your Self-Image Develops
The roots of your self-image usually reach back to early childhood. It is shaped by experiences with parents, caregivers, school, friendships, successes, and failures. Over the course of life, it continues to evolve - through relationships, professional roles, crises, changes, and new insights.
However, self-images are not always realistic. Many people chronically underestimate themselves, while others overestimate themselves. A negative or rigid self-image can lead to self-doubt, inner blockage, or a weakened sense of self-worth. Conversely, an inflated self-image can also hinder development (see also the Wheel of Life topic "Self-Confidence").
Important: A self-image is not a fixed judgment, but a changeable inner model. You can actively shape it.
Self-Image, External Image, and Ideal Image
Your self-image arises from your own self-perception. In contrast, the external image reflects how others perceive you. These two perspectives rarely align perfectly. Their differences often lead to misunderstandings, disappointment, or conflict.
In addition, many people carry an ideal image within themselves: an idea of who they would like to be or how they would like to be seen.
Personal development begins where you have the courage to consciously examine these three images:
• How do I see myself? (Self-image)
• How do others see me? (External image)
• How would I like to be? (Ideal image)
The clearer your self-image becomes - and the more it aligns with external perceptions - the more realistically and authentically you can shape your ideal image.
Developing a Living Self-Image
Some self-images protect us - others restrict us. Some are outdated and no longer reflect personal growth or newly developed abilities. Those who cling to a rigid self-image often fail to realize their full potential.
Work actively on your self-image. Through self-reflection, honest feedback, and conscious reassessment, you can continuously adapt it - realistically, growth-oriented, and with self-compassion. This is not about constant self-optimization, but about better understanding and accepting yourself.
Summary: If you change your self-image positively, you and your life will change positively.
Self-assessment
Do you have a realistic, positive self-image? Identify your need for action. Be inspired by the following statements:
• I am aware of my self-image.
• I have a positive / negative self-image of myself.
• I know how I come across to others.
• I know how other people see me.
• I know my strengths and weaknesses.
• I am aware of my successes and am proud of my achievements.
• I know my sources of energy and how to use them effectively.
• I accept what I cannot change, such as my age or my past.
• I live at peace with myself.
• I am afraid of genuine self-awareness.
How do you sum up your self-image?
• I know my personality and my character.
• I know my strengths and weaknesses.
• I know how to address other people.
What can I do?
Design your self-image. The following simple tools are intended for self-help and support you in getting to know yourself better.
Describe Yourself:
• What are your distinctive personality traits?
• Are you more introverted or extroverted?
• More practical or more theoretical?
• More rational or more emotionally oriented?
• More spontaneous or more structured and planned?
There are numerous proven personality tests that can support you in answering these questions (see literature / links).
Conduct a Personal Strengths and Weaknesses Analysis
Which positive personality traits are particularly pronounced in you?
Examples
of positive traits:
active, adaptable, persistent,
enthusiastic, resilient, popular, determined, assertive, ambitious, honest,
empathetic, decisive, success-oriented, hardworking, flexible, progressive,
friendly, educated, patient, calm, fair, appreciated, skillful, health-conscious,
generous, thorough, helpful, polite, humorous, impulsive, communicative,
conservative, sociable, creative, performance-oriented, eager to learn,
courageous, reflective, organized, open, willing to take risks, calm,
self-confident, self-critical, sensitive, careful, spontaneous, athletic,
diligent, likable, loyal, tolerant, uncomplicated, reasonable, understanding,
trusting, versatile, cautious, adventurous, open-minded, strong-willed,
goal-oriented, reliable.
Which negative traits are particularly pronounced in you?
Examples
of negative traits:
stubborn, rigid, arrogant,
conceited, aggressive, moody, depressed, demanding, selfish, argumentative,
conceited, fearful, lazy, petty, aloof, silly, anxious, authoritarian,
possessive, deceptive, vain, inhibited, stingy, attention-seeking, greedy,
hot-tempered, gullible, resentful, disorganized, detached from reality.
The app provides a "Strengths and Weaknesses Analysis" tool.
Which traits would you like to improve or balance? Be honest with yourself - this is the first step toward transformation.
Note: Describe your weaknesses respectfully as areas for development. No one is perfect, and weaknesses are often the flip side of strengths.
Designing Your Self-Image
Answer the following questions:
• What are my abilities, strengths, talents, and wishes?
• What am I particularly good at?
• What do I really enjoy doing?
• In which areas do I have special knowledge?
• What success stories have I experienced in my life, and which abilities helped me achieve them?
• What do people regularly praise me for?
• How would I ideally like to spend my time?
• Which work have I enjoyed most so far?
• What have I learned from past failures and setbacks?
• What can I do better than others?
• Which traits characterize me most strongly?
• Which aspects of my personality are especially lovable?
• Which weaknesses or deficits am I often made aware of?
A consciously designed self-image gives you clarity, inner stability, and room to act. It is not a judgment of your worth, but a tool for growth.
Gathering External Feedback
To develop a realistic self-image, ask people close to you to describe you (external image). The clearer your self-image is - and the better it aligns with external perceptions - the more clearly the gap to your ideal image becomes. Focus on the essential points. From these, you can derive concrete steps for personal development.
Questions for feedback conversations:
• Which three strengths stand out to you most in me?
• In which situations do you experience me as most authentic?
• Where do you see untapped potential in me?
• How would you describe my way of communicating?
Try to identify where you may overestimate or underestimate yourself. Ask people close to you and compare your self-image with their perceptions. Especially in the differences, valuable clues for growth often emerge.
Summarizing Your Insights
• Which traits and abilities do you believe you possess?
• Which qualities and skills distinguish you?
• How do family members, friends, acquaintances, and colleagues perceive you?
• Which weaknesses or deficits do you see in yourself, and how can you address them?
Tasks and Intensions
What insights have you gained? What impact does your new self-image have on your life?
Examples of intentions and tasks:
• I formulate empowering affirmations for each life area that reflect my new self-image.
• I give my strengths and talents more space in my daily life.
• I actively seek feedback from trusted people and create an external image.
• I keep a success journal in which I record small and big achievements every day.
• I practice self-compassion, especially in difficult moments.
Literature / Links
• Carol Dweck: Mindset - Changing The Way You think To Fulfil Your Potential. Link to Amazon: Link
• Self-image - Link to Wikipedia: Link
Personality tests:
• Open-Source Psychometrics Project – Recommended Tests: Link
• Discover your personality type: Link
• Personal SWOT Analysis - MindTools: Link
Self-confidence
Self-consciousness
With healthy self-confidence you will have an easier time in many situations in life and will be more successful.
With healthy self-confidence, many situations in life become easier - and more successful.
Imagine going through life with an inner compass that guides you safely, free from nagging self-doubt and full of confidence in your abilities. Healthy self-confidence is more than just a trait; it is the key to a fulfilling, happy, and successful life. It gives you the strength to face challenges, nurture relationships, and achieve your goals.
Self-confidence is not an inborn talent that some people have and others don't. It is a skill you can develop and strengthen. This overview introduces the topic and encourages you to begin your personal journey toward greater self-confidence.
What Is Self-Confidence?
Self-confidence consists of three core components:
• Self-confidence – trust in your own abilities
• Self-esteem – a fundamental appreciation of yourself as a person
• Self-assurance – confident and composed behavior toward others
Self-confidence brings together self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-assurance. A self-confident person knows their own worth and looks to the future with optimism, calmness, and courage. It shapes your entire attitude toward life:
• your mindset and overall sense of well-being
• your behavior and decision-making
• your body language and personal presence
• your impact on others and the quality of your relationships
In everyday situations - such as job interviews, salary negotiations, career development, or finding a partner - strong self-confidence makes a decisive difference. It helps you show up authentically and seize opportunities instead of missing them out of fear.
How Does Self-Confidence Develop?
Self-confidence is not innate; it develops over time. It is shaped primarily during childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood - through experiences, upbringing, and the messages we internalize about ourselves (see the Wheel of Life topic "Worldview" chapter "Core Beliefs").
Overly critical parenting and repeated frustrations along life's path can hinder the healthy development of self-confidence. Parents may unintentionally block it by constantly criticizing their children, underestimating their abilities, or overprotecting them. Teasing, humiliation, and bullying during adolescence can significantly undermine self-respect and self-esteem. The resulting fears, feelings of inferiority, and guilt can prevent healthy self-confidence from unfolding.
Modern life presents additional challenges. Social media, with its constant comparisons to seemingly perfect lives, can erode self-esteem. At the same time, new insights from positive psychology, mindfulness practices, and research on neuroplasticity are encouraging: our brains remain adaptable throughout life. Self-confidence can be trained and strengthened - even in adulthood.
Finding the Balance
Many people wish they had more self-confidence. They admire others for their bold and open demeanor, yet feel inhibited or insecure themselves. People with low self-confidence often:
• frequently doubt themselves and struggle with shyness
• find it difficult to express their opinions or say no
• put their own wishes and needs aside
• avoid situations where they might be the center of attention
On the other hand, excessive self-confidence can also be problematic. People with inflated self-confidence often overestimate their abilities and achievements and lack realistic self-assessment. They may be perceived by others as arrogant or condescending.
The goal is healthy, balanced self-confidence: knowing your strengths and trusting them, while also accepting your weaknesses without judging yourself. You remain open to feedback and growth without questioning your own worth.
Summary: Self-confidence is shaped from within and can be changed through conscious inner work. You have the power to shape your inner attitude toward yourself.
Self-assessment
Evaluate your self-confidence. Identify your need for action. Be inspired by the following statements:
• I approach other people with fear.
• I'm having trouble approaching people.
• I am insecure and afraid of my own courage.
• I get stage fright easily.
• My self-confidence depends on the judgment of those around me.
• I'm afraid that others will see negative qualities in me.
• I'm afraid of authorities.
• I like to surround myself with insecure people.
• I don't have much confidence in myself and get nervous quickly.
• I have many inhibitions (inhibitions of possession, power, sex, recognition).
• I can't really enforce my demands.
How do you sum up your self-confidence?
• I have a healthy self-confidence.
• I have a positive attitude towards myself.
What can I do?
Low self-confidence is widespread - but it can be changed. Professional support, such as adult education courses (e.g., behavioral training with role-playing) or psychotherapy, can help with deeper issues. But you can also take action yourself. This is often the most emotional and liberating path.
Self-Help Tips
Build
self-awareness:
Get to know yourself - your strengths, weaknesses, and personal story. Accept
yourself as you are. Try mindfulness exercises or meditation to calm your inner
critic.
Practice
in small steps:
Challenge yourself: speak up in a conversation, try something new, or step
outside familiar patterns. Every small success strengthens your confidence - celebrate
these moments!
Keep
a journal:
Use a challenge-and-success journal. Over time, write down situations in which
you felt insecure, as well as your successes. Example: "Today I clearly expressed my ideas in
the meeting and received positive feedback." This increases
awareness and emotional motivation. The app provides a dedicated "Diary" tool
for this.
Use
tools:
Try mindfulness apps (e.g., Headspace) or online courses on positive
psychology. Reflect on your social media consumption: follow inspiring accounts
that promote real growth instead of perfect illusions.
Dealing
with setbacks:
Setbacks are part of life - and part of building self-confidence. A bad day or
a return to old insecurities does not mean failure. It is a normal part of the
process. Be patient with yourself. Every step counts, even small ones.
Remember: working on yourself can be emotionally challenging. It may stir memories or temporarily unsettle you. That's normal - and often a sign that change is happening. This work can also lead to deep fulfillment, freedom, and joy in life. You deserve to move through life with confidence and authenticity.
Tasks and Intensions
What insights have you gained? Do you want to develop further? Define resolutions and tasks, e.g.:
• I want to strengthen my self-confidence and keep a problem/success diary for four weeks
• I will read a self-confidence guide and do the exercises.
• I will book and attend a self-confidence education course
Literature / Links
• Self-confidence. Link to Wikipedia: Link
• Susan Jeffers: Feel the Fear... and Do It Anyway: Dynamic Techniques for Turning Fear, Indecision, and Anger into Power, Action, and Love. Link to Amazon: Link
• Strengthen self-confidence: the most effective tips and exercises: Link
Emotions
Feelings, Moods
You are solely responsible for your emotions, feelings and moods.
You have far more influence over your emotions, feelings, and moods than you may realize.
Emotions are momentary, subjective experiences that color our lives. The basic emotions include joy, anger, disgust, sadness, fear, surprise, and sometimes hatred. Beyond these, we experience a wide range of more nuanced feelings such as happiness, love, gratitude, pride, guilt, shame, envy, hope, or longing.
Many emotions have their roots in our evolutionary history. They are innate and serve as mechanisms for protection and survival. For example, fear of spiders and snakes was a survival advantage for our ancestors. Other emotions are based on stored experiences of positive or negative events. Memories of these experiences are often vague, yet they are sufficient to trigger an emotional reaction almost instantaneously - often unconsciously and beyond our direct control.
When Emotions Challenge Us
Who we are and what we do are strongly influenced by our emotions. Emotions:
• express themselves through physical sensations such as warmth, blushing, heartbeat, or breathing,
• influence our decisions and actions - our decisions are only partly rational and to a much greater extent shaped by our emotional evaluation system,
• show up in our body language, for example through tension or a face distorted by fear,
• convey important information about our emotional state and are essential for interpersonal interaction and action,
• can be appropriate and helpful, but also inappropriate, destructive, and even neurotic.
Sometimes our feelings deceive us. Imagine being overwhelmed by unfounded fear in a harmless situation - fear that dominates your thinking and behavior. Your perception narrows to whatever the emotion dictates. Such moments can throw you off balance.
Some people feel at the mercy of their emotions and allow themselves to be overwhelmed by them. When too many emotions build up, an emotional outburst may occur. In such moments, a person may appear uncontrolled or even threatening. Many people are familiar with this feeling of helplessness.
Emotionally sensitive people are particularly perceptive. They experience nuances more intensely but may also be more vulnerable, become stressed more quickly, and struggle more often with self-doubt. Remember: this sensitivity can also be a strength that leads to deeper connections.
The Two Sides of Emotional Extremes
Handling emotions poorly can make us ill:
Emotional Suppression
• Leads to chronic tension, inner imbalance, and stress
• Can contribute to psychosomatic complaints in the long term (headaches, stomach problems, sleep disturbances)
• Makes us emotionally inaccessible to ourselves and others
Emotional Overwhelm
• Can lead to anxiety disorders or panic attacks
• Encourages coping strategies such as addictive behaviors (eating, alcohol, digital media)
• May manifest in impulsive or aggressive behavior
The good news: A healthy middle ground can be learned.
Understanding Emotions – Not Fighting Them
Negative emotions such as fear, anger, or sadness are not inherently bad - quite the opposite. They serve important functions:
• Fear warns us of danger and protects us
• Anger shows us that a boundary has been crossed and gives us energy to stand up for ourselves
• Sadness helps us process loss and signals to others that we need support
Stress also has a useful function: an active, fulfilling life requires a certain level of positive stress (eustress), which motivates and energizes us.
The problem does not arise from the emotion itself, but when:
• emotions are permanently too intense,
• they occur in inappropriate situations,
• they completely dominate our behavior,
• we are unable to regulate or process them.
The Power of Positive Emotions
Modern positive psychology has shown that it is not enough to simply reduce negative emotions. For a fulfilling life, it is crucial to actively cultivate positive emotions:
• Gratitude strengthens well-being and satisfaction
• Joy and humor improve health and strengthen relationships
• Pride (in one's own achievements) promotes self-esteem
• Hope and optimism increase resilience in difficult times
• Love and connection are the strongest sources of meaning in life
Summary: The more pleasant than unpleasant emotions, feelings, and moods you allow, the more comfortable you will feel, and the happier you will be.
Self-assessment
Explore the intensity of your feelings toward different situations and people. Identify where change may be needed. Let the following statements and questions inspire you:
Emotional Self-Awareness
• Which emotions am I experiencing right now (joy, anger, fear, sadness, irritation, contentment, discouragement)?
• How well do I know my own emotions? Can I name them precisely?
• Do I notice physical signals before an emotion overwhelms me (e.g., tension, changes in breathing)?
Emotional Regulation
• Are my emotional reactions proportionate to the trigger?
• Do I give my feelings too much control over my behavior?
• Am I capable of self-control when it matters?
• Can I distinguish between "feeling" and "acting"?
Social Competence
• How well can I perceive and understand the emotions of others?
• Can I respond appropriately to other people's emotions?
• Do I find it easy to talk about my feelings?
Warning Signs
• Do I feel emotionally "cut off" or numb?
• Do I suffer from sleep problems, diffuse pain, chest pressure, or anxiety?
• Do I use certain substances or behaviors to numb my feelings?
Overall, how would you assess your emotional state?
• I am balanced and emotionally stable
• I am neither anxious nor insecure and I am not easily thrown off balance.
What can I do?
Severe emotional disorders require therapeutic treatment. However, there are several simple techniques that can help you manage your emotions better in everyday life.
The Key: Taking Emotional Responsibility
Many people associate valuable aspects of life with negative feelings without realizing that they themselves shape this connection. You can positively influence your emotional experience by recognizing that you have an impact on your feelings.
1. Accept Instead of Suppress
• Do not allow your emotions to control you - but do not suppress them either.
• When you consciously notice and allow negative emotions, they often lose intensity on their own.
• Tell yourself: "I am feeling anger/fear/sadness right now. That's okay. It will pass."
2. Regaining the Ability to Act
• Remind yourself: you are not helplessly at the mercy of your emotions.
• Between stimulus (emotion) and response (action) there is a space - and in that space lies your freedom.
• Example: when you feel angry, you can choose whether to lash out or remain respectful.
3. Developing Emotional Intelligence
• You can learn to regulate your emotions with the help of reason.
• Emotional regulation does not mean suppression, but conscious guidance.
• The more you practice, the better you will be able to remain capable of action even in challenging situations.
4. Using Thoughts as a Lever
• Your emotions depend heavily on how you mentally evaluate an event.
• A single change in perspective can turn a negative feeling into a neutral or even positive one.
• Example: a negative feeling toward your partner may turn into understanding when you realize they are struggling with a problem themselves.
The ABC Method by Dr. Albert Ellis
According to the ABC method, our feelings and behavior are largely determined by how we cognitively evaluate a situation. These evaluations often stem from conscious and unconscious beliefs that may be irrational - meaning inappropriate, unrealistic, or unhelpful.
By applying the ABC technique, you can consciously restructure your thinking patterns and thereby change your emotions and behavior.
Example: In a negative emotional situation, such as "my partner criticizes me," proceed in three steps:
• A (Activating Event): The current situation. Analyze it as objectively as possible.
• B (Belief System): Your evaluative thoughts about the situation. Identify how you feel (e.g., angry, anxious, jealous). Ask yourself how you would like to feel and what conclusions you want to draw.
• C (Consequences): Your feelings and actions. Decide which feelings you want to respond with and how you want to behave.
Even if you cannot change the situations that trigger negative emotions, this method allows you to change your perception and evaluation - and thus react with less fear, anger, or panic.
Emotions Journal
The "emotions journal" is a technique that helps you improve self-awareness and self-acceptance.
Take time each day to reflect on your feelings and write down your insights. Through self-awareness, many things become clearer and mental chaos is reduced.
Set aside 10–15 minutes daily - preferably in the evening - and note:
• Situation: What happened today? (brief, factual description)
• Emotion: What did I feel? (name it precisely - e.g., not just "bad," but "disappointed," "overwhelmed," "anxious")
• Intensity: How strong was the feeling? (scale 1–10)
• Physical sensations: Where did I feel it in my body?
• Thoughts: What thoughts were associated with the feeling?
• Reaction: How did I behave?
• Reflection: Was my reaction helpful? What could I have done differently?
Writing helps you reflect on your emotions, gain better control over them, and process fear and confusion more effectively.
With regular journaling:
• your thoughts become more organized,
• you recognize patterns,
• you gain distance from your emotions,
• you learn to distinguish between feelings and facts.
The app provides a tool for this called "Diary." You can find it under "Tools."
The Stop Technique
When emotions overwhelm you, use the stop technique. Silently say "stop" and then look at the situation from a new perspective.
How it works:
1. Say "STOP!" (internally or out loud)
2. Interrupt: take three deep breaths in and out
3. Observe: what am I feeling right now? Where in my body?
4. Change perspective: look at the situation from the outside - what would I advise a friend?
5. Decide consciously: how do I want to respond now?
Our feelings arise automatically as a result of our thoughts - regardless of whether those thoughts correspond to reality. Positive thoughts lead to positive feelings; negative thoughts to negative ones.
Relaxation and Mindfulness Techniques
Body-based approaches are especially effective because emotions are always experienced physically:
• Progressive muscle relaxation: systematic tensing and relaxing of muscle groups reduces physical tension
• Autogenic training: self-suggestion for deep relaxation
• Meditation: regular practice demonstrably changes brain structures and improves emotional regulation
• Mindfulness exercises (MBSR): help observe emotions without being carried away by them
• Breathing techniques: conscious, deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system and calms the body
The 4–7–8 Breathing Technique (especially effective for anxiety or stress)
• Inhale through the nose for 4 seconds
• Hold the breath for 7 seconds
• Exhale through the mouth for 8 seconds
• Repeat 3–4 times
Movement and Physical Expression
Movement is a natural regulator of emotions:
• Exercise reduces stress hormones and releases endorphins
• Dancing, shaking, or brisk walking helps release pent-up emotions
• Yoga connects body, breath, and mind
Cultivating Positive Emotions
Do not wait for positive feelings to arise on their own - invite them actively into your life:
• Gratitude journal: write down three things you are grateful for each day
• Moments of joy: consciously plan small pleasures into your day
• Social connection: nurture relationships with people who are good for you
• Flow experiences: engage in activities where you lose track of time
• Humor: deliberately look for opportunities to laugh
• Nature: spending time in nature has proven positive effects on mood
Tasks and Intensions
What insights have you gained? Define intentions and tasks. Examples:
For Greater Self-Awareness
• Keep an emotions journal for at least four weeks
• Practice 10 minutes of mindfulness meditation daily (e.g., with apps such as Calm, Headspace, or 7Mind)
• Perform a body scan to better recognize physical signals of emotions
For Better Emotional Regulation
• Learn and apply the ABC method in a workshop or adult education course
• Use the stop technique consciously in stressful situations
• Attend a relaxation course (MBSR, PMR, autogenic training)
For More Positive Emotions
• Write down three things you are grateful for each day
• Plan one activity per week that brings you joy
• Spend time consciously with people who are good for you
For Professional Support (if needed)
• Schedule an appointment with a therapist or psychological counselor
• Join a self-help group
• Start an online coaching program for emotional intelligence
Remember: small, consistent steps are more effective than big, unrealistic plans. Choose one or two intentions that truly matter to you - and start today.
Literature / Links
• Albert Ellis: Overcoming Destructive Beliefs, Feelings, and Behaviors. Link to Amazon: Link
• David D. Burns: Feeling Good - The New Mood Therapy. Link to Amazon: Link
• Hale Dwoskin: The Sedona Method: Your Key to Lasting Happiness, Success, Peace and Emotional Well-Being. Link to Amazon: Link